Is your teen’s behaviour driving you crazy?
Worried about your teen’s out of whack behaviour? Navigating the teen years can be challenging at the best of times!
From about the age of 11 or 12-years old your child will be entering the next stage of their development – their teens! This is an important stage in any child’s life and brings with it numerous physical and mental changes. Many parents of teens find it difficult to navigate the teen years.
According to ego psychologist Erik Erikson’s psychosocial development model, children between the ages of 11 to18 are at the stage of developing and asserting their identity. This is known as the Identity vs. Role Confusion stage.
“The teenage stage is a very challenging space that is very much perceived through the formation of identity,” says Erikson, who identifies this stage as “turbulent”.
Beliefs, ideals, and values
The child’s family and community play a big role in helping a child in this stage develop this identity. If they cannot find someone in the home they can relate to or identify with, they look for external sources for inspiration. This is especially the case for children who grow up in homes without both parents.
Normal teen behaviour
- Oversleeping
- Experimenting with drugs and alcohol
- Moodiness
- Lying
- Rebellion
Extreme teen behaviour
- When your teen decides to sleep the whole day and isolate themselves from people
- Binge drinking or using drugs frequently
- Moodiness leading to violence
- If your child lies about everything, including the small things (pathological lying)
- Getting into trouble more at school and even breaking the law
According to Mlhongo, pre-teens and teens are ”susceptible to toxic behavior as a form assertion.”
How to manage the teen years
“Managing this requires parents to be understanding and to create an environment that is still inviting for mistakes and reflection,” Mlhongo says. Having an open relationship with your teen may go a long way in helping them navigate this difficult phase in their lives.
Being able to make a distinction between what is normal and what is not is also key. If parents try too hard to manage normal behavior it may lead to toxicity as they feel prevented from being themselves.
According to Mlhongo “parents are encouraged to exercise mild authority as teens may interpret this as a dictatorship and feel not understood.” There is, therefore, a fine line between allowing them to be and managing their behaviour.
Sleeping in for instance. Some parents believe in waking up early, and according to Healthline, a teen’s biological clocks work differently. They prefer sleeping between 1 am and 10 am. Parents who are in the 5 am club will encounter a behavioural issue if they are going to force their teen to wake up earlier than they want to, or are physically able to.
Love and support
It’s important for children to know that their families love and support them during this time. They also need to know that you will listen when they need to talk. Encouraging them to express their feelings is important, especially before they enter this stage. Then speaking end expressing becomes a norm.
Get help
If parents still struggle, they can seek help from a psychologist that can intervene.
