Gender bending through clothing

Should you be worried if your teenage girl starts wearing boys’ clothes and boys girls’ clothing? According to experts not necessarily. But society tends to frown upon a boy playing dress up and in most cases many parents freak out and scold the boy or even punish him for engaging in perfectly normal behaviour. But why?

Why it is concerning when it is a boy?

Playing dress-up does not mean your little lad is going to grow up to be gay or a cross dresser and not that it matters if he does. Children love getting to imitate their parents, especially if it involves tramping around in high-heeled shoes with sparkly clothes and makeup. No one ever thinks twice about it when little girls do this – even if one of the little girls plays the role of daddy. Most people think it’s cute. No one even yells or has a panic attack when their little girl declares that she’s going to be a firefighter to prove that she’s as good as a boy. The problem comes when it’s the boy who wants to put on the dress, high heels, and paint his face.

A way for kids to figure themselves out

When girls rebel against the very girly frills and ruffles and want to wear boys’ clothing, it doesn’t mean she’s going to become a raging lesbian. It just means they haven’t quite figured themselves out yet. Gender identity can be a tricky subject in tweens, between the ages of 10 and 12. It’s much easier to discuss it with other people but much harder if it relates to you personally.

So how do you handle it?

If you’re very uncomfortable with the situation, whether it’s your daughter wanting to wear boys’ clothes or your son wanting to wear girls’ clothes then it’s probably time to have a heart-to-heart with your child. Don’t make this a personal issue or attack. Talk to them about how it makes most people very uncomfortable when others step outside of traditional roles in this manner. Talk to them about potential confusion issues for other people, not themselves. For example, how would they feel if other people actually confused them with being a member of the opposite sex? Find out how they feel to gauge whether it is a passing stage or they plan to be like this for some time and want to be out there socially as cross dressers. Find out how are they planning to handle teasing or bullying issues if they want to wear those clothes to school or other places? These are very real issues that they have to be prepared to deal with. However, remember that your role is not to judge them but to provide them with a safe environment for learning who they really are. Chances are pretty good that this will end up being a phase, and if it isn’t, you want them to have loving memories of this painful period of growth.