Building your relationship with your teen
Building a good relationship with your teen may be challenging but with trust, security, and love it is possible. Here's what to know:
Being a teenager is not easy – from issues with friends and relationship concerns to pregnancy scares and drug experiences, teens go through more stress than you may think. They experience fears, regrets, and sometimes they are unable to navigate life’s challenges. Your teen may need a shoulder to cry on and someone to talk to but they may struggle to come to you as their parent for help or advice. Because of the generational gap, they may fear that you may be judgemental and may not exactly know and understand what they are going through. Still, it’s important for you to remain responsive to their needs and be there to guide and support them.
Trials of teenage years
As a parent, you pray and hope that your child never finds themselves in sticky life-changing situations, but it would be naive to think that your teen is completely immune from the perils of adolescence. As much as you want them to feel that they can come to you when times get tough, teens often refrain from confiding in their parents and use rationales like, “They just wouldn’t understand”, or “They would be so disappointed in me!” Most of the time, it’s not even because you, as the parent, are not caring and loving. Rather, it’s because teens become scared to speak to their parents even though their parents are strong, capable, have-it-together, and they would do anything for them. The problem, it seems, stems from their childhood, where somewhere along the way, the teen concludes that their parent’s love and approval is conditional and based on good behaviour and achievement.
Closing the door on a trusting relationship
The problem is that in a well-intended and concerted effort to ensure children are raised to be upstanding members of society, many parents use punitive discipline techniques. Methods such as time-outs, removal of privileges, shaming, and spanking are among the most common. These, coupled with achievement-based rewards and praise, unwittingly send the message that with achievement comes love, and with misbehaviour comes reprehension. This can effectively close the doors for a trusting, honest, and communicative relationship with the child in the future.
Be a mindful parent
No matter what happens or whatever trouble your child finds themselves in, they need to know they can always come to you for support and guidance. To create that open and trusting relationship, you need to be mindful of how you parent your child from the time they are born. Laying the foundation for your relationship in the years to come starts when they are young.
As a parent, you must send your child a clear message that not only will you always accept them for who they are, you will always support and help them with kindness and understanding when they are having a hard time. This does not mean letting them do whatever they want – they still need limits and guidance. It would help if you assured your teen that they can always be confident and proud of who they are, no matter what their shortcomings may be. With unconditional love, support, and understanding, no matter how testing their behaviour, they need to know that with you by their side, they can cope and conquer.
