– Opinion –
Lockdown shopping has become a very bittersweet experience: On the one hand you get so excited to be going out, that you even select an outfit days before the event, but on the other hand you are as nervous as all hell in case Vinnie Virus decides to attach himself to your box of a hundred tagless teabags and not let go.
I recently bought some reusable cloth masks for expeditions out. Mine is a very pretty zooty bright pink one – which does require some outfit colour co-ordination as it tends to clash a wee bitty with red. The first time I wore it shopping, I had also put make up on (big outing and all), but realised the make up was a complete waste of time. (Most of it ended up on the inside of the mask anyway!)
The first plan of action on arriving at the shops is always to wipe down the trolley to within an inch of its life. Then the door dude sprays you and your trolley with so much sanitiser that if someone lit a cigarette near you, you would implode! (Hmm – maybe THAT’S why they wouldn’t sell cigarettes?)
Then it’s time to take a very deep breath and go into the warzone, peering suspiciously at every single surface to see if you can spot Vinnie and his mates anywhere.
Shopping has become very weird though, as no one makes eye contact or smiles at anyone in case they look like they are enjoying themselves. Everyone is in a huge hurry to get their shopping done quicker than the speed of light and get the heck out of there. I was trying to find some Earl Grey teabags the other day and felt guilty as I had spent more than 4.3 seconds on the tea aisle. We even had a Mexican standoff situation when a woman was pondering over coffee beans (as one does) and I was waiting for my turn to ponder, when a man screeched to a social distancing halt ahead of us. A traffic jam in Aisle 13 was clearly not part of his carefully laid out shopping plan and we nearly had to call a store manager to move everyone along as he was so visibly irritated.
When you do finally arrive at the till, you have more social anxiety issues as now you have a keypad to touch. Then you must take a minute to overthink the till packer touching all your groceries that she puts into your freshly purchased plastic bags (no reusable bags during lockdown in case Vinnie and his friends decide to host a party in one of them).
Finally it’s time to get your departure sanitiser shower at the door and head for the car park. But not until you have dealt with the final dilemma – that of the poor carguard. You pay him anyway but heaven forbid that another pair of hands should touch your grocery bags, so you unpack your own groceries and then let him take your trolley away.
Then it’s home time, but that’s where the real fun begins. Each packet and tin needs to carefully be wiped down with sanitiser, just in case Vinnie and a hundred of his closest friends did escape with you from the supermarket and have decided that they would quite like to become squatters in your house. Sorry Vinnie – not on my watch! And if I have to drown you in sanitiser, trust me I will do just that!
Missed some of the other Corona Chronicles? Check them out here:
Corona Chronicles: Witty Joburg resident documents past five days of social distancing
Corona Chronicles: Lockdown makes Joburger confront gridlocked passage and a lipstick dilemma
Corona Chonicles: Are mops considered an ‘essential’ item?
Corona Chronicles: Chicken or beef?
Corona Chronicles: Worry over wine stock after husband accidentally breaks three bottles
Corona Chronicles: All dressed up and off to the shops she goes
Corona Chronicles: Does reading a book and drinking a gin while lying in the sun count as housework?
Corona Chronicles: Lockdown’s become a puzzle
Corona Chronicles: New dress sense during lockdown
Corona Chronicles: How to manage household chores during lockdown
Corona Chronicles: Attempt to re-create Mozambican holiday doesn’t go to plan
Corona Chronicles: Lockdown eating habits
Corona Chronicles: Thank goodness of homemade pizzas and braais that work
Corona Chronicles: A plan to overcome ‘cleaning envy’
Corona Chronicles: A recipe for every occasion
Corona Chronicles: Time to nail it
Corona Chronicles: Ready to throw an ‘end-of-Skype-meetings’ party at the end of lockdown
Corona Chronicles: Raise the bar
Corona Chronicles: Banana bread: The apparent law of lockdown and other baking stories
Corona Chronicles: Chained to the washing machine
Corona Chronicles: Late night playtime leads to need to blow-dry a dog’s coat
