– Opinion –
On a scale of one to 10, yesterday was a minus ‘eleventy’ seventy kind of day. You know, the one where you stand in doggie doo doo – only the pile is so deep that you end up to your eyeballs in the chocolate stuff and need a snorkel to be able to breathe.
Normally in cases like these one goes in search of the big girl “broekies” – except that these ones have been used so many times in the last three weeks that the elastic has stretched!
Another solution for these kind of days is to treat oneself to some pamper time, but then I remembered with great sadness that hair and beauty salons and nail bars are not considered an essential service. Of course this completely floors me, as one would think looking good when you venture out to the supermarket would be a very necessary service – it could stop people from dropping their carton of eggs in horror as they walk past you.
So I decided that it was “home salon pedicure time” as my heels are currently rougher than the heavy duty sandpaper you buy at Builders Warehouse. My toenails are also looking very sad and forlorn and in need of a splash of colour as I had to remove the remnants of my last pedicure when the polish had grown out halfway up the nails. The only problem is that when I paint my own toenails I end up with more paint on the skin than on the actual nails – kind of like when a three year old puts on lipstick!
The finger nails though are another story entirely. When I was born, it appears I was last in the queue for strong nails and instead was given some of the paper thin variety – you know, the ones that flake into instant confetti when they grow more than two millimetres. In my two score and 10 (plus some change) years on earth, I have tried everything to strengthen my nails. From imported solutions to gelatin to special vitamins – heck I even tried concoctions that required me to boil the feather of a dodo under full moonlight under the watch of seventeen vestal virgins! So around 10 years ago I finally waved the white flag and decided to treat myself to gel nails every three weeks. I chose a fabulous private salon called Buff ‘n Stuff, which was so popular that I had to bribe three government officials and make a sacrifice to the gods, before I could get an appointment. And once you are in, you dare not cancel an appointment (which you get given for a whole year in advance) otherwise it requires the donation of your left boob to get in again! But these women are the best – so good that I even pay extra for sarcasm! (Like when I choose a real “granny” colour for my nails!) And because I have the same time slot every three weeks I have met so many other nice women. I have zero clue what their names are, but I know all about their sex lives, what they are cooking for dinner, and where to buy the cheapest quail eggs. (Not that I have ever cooked a quail egg in my life but at least I know where to buy them!)
Fortunately I had a nail appointment just before lockdown and had one booked for just after lockdown number one. But then we got whammed and so now my nails have to hang in there a bit longer. (I can’t even soak them off as my nails use a special gel that has to be drilled off!) Fortunately I chose a French ambre colour so the grow out isn’t that noticeable. And no blowouts as yet but let’s not say that too loudly. So hang in there little nail buddies – another two and a half more weeks, but I know you can do this! Stay strong!
Missed some of the other Corona Chronicles? Check them out here:
Corona Chronicles: Witty Joburg resident documents past five days of social distancing
Corona Chronicles: Lockdown makes Joburger confront gridlocked passage and a lipstick dilemma
Corona Chonicles: Are mops considered an ‘essential’ item?
Corona Chronicles: Chicken or beef?
Corona Chronicles: Worry over wine stock after husband accidentally breaks three bottles
Corona Chronicles: All dressed up and off to the shops she goes
Corona Chronicles: Does reading a book and drinking a gin while lying in the sun count as housework?
Corona Chronicles: Lockdown’s become a puzzle
Corona Chronicles: New dress sense during lockdown
Corona Chronicles: How to manage household chores during lockdown
Corona Chronicles: Attempt to re-create Mozambican holiday doesn’t go to plan
Corona Chronicles: Lockdown eating habits
Corona Chronicles: Thank goodness of homemade pizzas and braais that work
Corona Chronicles: A plan to overcome ‘cleaning envy’
Corona Chronicles: ‘Tell your appliances how much they mean to you’
