Khanya Mkangisa and Maphorisa’s thing for younger people

For some odd reason, it seems as though male South African social media users are unable to think for themselves when it comes to certain issues.

At any given moment, you can find them waiting to find out what the notorious “feminists” will say about an issue. And when an issue is discussed en masse without input from this monolith/barometer known as “the feminists,” male social media users find themselves unable to reach a coherent conclusion on any matter all on their own.

This is what happened earlier this week when the age gap between former YoTV and Selmathunzi presenter Khanya Mkangisa, 32, and her rapper boyfriend J. Molley, 21, became a hot topic on Twitter.

This was just days after popular DJ and producer Maphorisa, 32, was accused of displaying predatory behaviour for reportedly being romantically involved with 19-year-old girls, instagrammers Honour Zuma (cyan.boujee) and Beverly Tlhako (littest_2001) both aged 19.

Male social media users (and their female sympathisers) expressed their displeasure at the silence of the feminists who reportedly chewed Maphorisa’s head off just days before for fraternising with women who are considered far too young.

They wanted to see the same group of people rip Mkangisa apart.

A defining characteristic of people who fall into this pattern of what-aboutism is their selective engagement in topics. And it is this selective engagement upon which they base their entire perception of reality.

You see, to this group of people, if they did not personally see something then there is no way you can convince them it happened.

This tendency is exactly why they have missed all the times so-called feminists called out Mkangisa, Zodwa Wabantu and Ntsiki Mwazwai for dating men who are significantly younger.

Additionally, this group of people is under the false perception that men and all they stand for are under attack by the so-called feminists. So, whenever a man like Maphorisa or AKA is criticised for dating young girls and committing other atrocities, they are more inclined to pay more attention.

Zodwa Wabantu’s tendency to date significantly younger men being called predatory by other women does not fit the narrative they endorse so they simply dismiss the fact it ever happened.

So, on behalf of “the feminists” and in an effort to steer this conversation in the way it should be going, predatory behaviour by anyone older should raise eyebrows and spark debate. It doesn’t matter if they are male, female or gender non-conforming.

It should not be viewed as a personal issue between two people because that is how predatory and abusive behaviour in other sectors of society gets swept under the rug and is thus allowed to continue unabated.

Nobody can stop Zodwa from dating men who are legally considered adults, nor can they tell AKA and Neli Tembe what to do.

However, the existence of these relationships and the red flags they raise can certainly be used in the overall teachable moment for society at large.

Instead of turning it into cannon fodder for the imaginary “gender war” that many claim is happening, the main takeaways from this conversation should be;

• Younger people, no matter their age are not “advanced for their age”. This is a concept used by older people to groom the younger people they want to date and have sex with.
• Adopting a consistent pattern of only dating significantly younger people is a red flag. There is a deeply personal reason stopping such people from dating people their age that should be worked out in therapy.
• Despite being autonomous adults in the eyes of the law, there are sometimes skewed power dynamics at play in such relationships and this should not be ignored.

Kaunda Selisho.

Kaunda is an analogue girl navigating a digital world using the perspective provided by news. She has always had a desire to amass a wealth of knowledge on a range of varied topics and this is reflected in the content she produces. As a digitally adept social media user, you can always trust Kaunda to bring you up to speed on what’s going on in the world at any given moment.

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