Should you stay in a toxic marriage for the sake of the kids?

How often do you hear couples on the verge of divorce but won’t go through the process for the sake of the kids? But is it worth sticking it out in a toxic marriage where love is no longer served?

The end of a marriage is never easy, particularly when there are children involved, but you have to face it head-on and consider what is really best for the children. Somehow, you need to find a common ground where you can all be happier and more stable as a family, even if that means going your separate ways as a couple.

A common excuse

It’s hard to think about shattering your child’s world by breaking up the only home they’ve ever known. But is staying together when you’re no longer happy really in your child’s best interest?

The right to a loving and nurturing home

What children need to thrive and grow is not simply a home with a mother and father present, but rather a home that is loving and nurturing. If you and your spouse are putting a brave face in front of the children and fighting or even becoming abusive behind closed doors, that’s not providing a stable, supportive environment. In fact, it can even make it harder for your child.

Children are always aware

You may fight in the other room but those raised voices from your room can penetrate the children’s room and they can also pick up on more subtle signs, such as body language or overly emotional responses to ordinary, everyday situations that everything is not fine. As soon as they pick up on that vibe, being children, they are likely to either panic or be sad at the prospect of their happy home life no longer being happy or, even more damaging, start to blame themselves for it happening. They may think that if they just better behaved than maybe mommy and daddy wouldn’t be so unhappy. They can easily blame themselves.

A breeding ground for behavioural issues

You may think you are protecting your children by not leaving when in actual fact you are exposing them to a tense, angry, and difficult environment every day.  You may even see your child develop behavioural problems of his/her own. If they’re suddenly acting out, throwing tantrums, or becoming withdrawn, it’s likely that it’s in direct response to your marital troubles. Even if your intentions are good, staying together when your marriage is failing may actually be the worst thing you can do for your children. If you truly can’t work through your differences and can no longer tolerate being together, better to just go separate ways.

The bitter truth

It may sound harsh, but it will be easier for children to get used to two separate, yet peaceful, homes than trying to live in one unhappy one. Once you do split, it is important that, no matter how difficult your relationship has become, you maintain a single, supportive front when dealing with your children. You don’t have to remain in a committed relationship with each other but you will forever be connected as parents to your children and the best thing you can do for them is to remain healthy, productive parents.