When you first start thinking about what is going to be like to be a mom, your thoughts are filled with joy, excitement, fear of not being good enough and a whole bunch of mixed emotions. You start preparing yourself mentally and physically for the bundle of joy on its way.
But what do you do when you find out you are going to have a child (or two) via a conversation and not via a pregnancy test? Well, this is how I found out I’m going to be a “mommy”… Well, a stepmom. And you know what… contrary to what some people might think I felt exactly the same emotions “real” moms feel when they find out that they are pregnant.
When I met my now husband and he introduced me to his two children, it took me by surprise that I immediately felt love for them. Although you realise that you are not their mom, you feel protective and you just want to make them happy.
The day my husband asked me to marry him, I said yes, but not just to marry him, but to marry him and the children. I said yes to be a stepmom. Easy as that!
Well, not really. You see the day you decide to be a stepmom, it is as if you immediately get this label on your forehead and the stigma of stepmoms kicks in. The story of Cinderella suddenly had a whole different meaning to me. Am I going to be seen as the “evil stepmom”? Is this the image I’m going to portray to the children and will they think that all stepmothers are horrible people trying to hurt them?
So needless to say I have tried everything and anything not to be seen as the evil stepmom, but I’ve come to realise that stepmoms also have the habit of creating problems that don’t exist. You put immense pressure on yourself which is totally unnecessary. You overcompensate, just because you don’t want to be seen as the “witch”. So instead of enjoying the journey, you become a ball of stress ready to explode at any moment.
Then I started reading stepmom blogs (yes, they do exist) and I realised that we all have the same worries, whether you are a biological mom or a stepmom. The important thing to realise is that you are put in a situation for a reason and as long as your intentions are true and honourable and comes from a heart filled with love, the rest doesn’t matter.
Being a stepmom is also not a competition and you are not going to get a reward when you are good a stepparent. The most important thing to remember is that when you know what your role is in the children’s’ lives, you will be respected for that role.
So to all my fellow stepmoms out there… Take it easy, you are doing great!
