On Friday, last week the City of Ekurhuleni mayor Mzwandile Masina held an interactive virtual dialogue aimed at rooting out gender-based violence (GBV) and femicide.
One of the participants, Nthabiseng Dikgabe, who was a victim of abuse at the hands of her partner, shared how extremely disappointed she is in the justice system.
“I feel the justice system has failed us so much.
3“I experienced a lot of abuse during my 10 years of marriage and never received any help,” said the mother of two.
After years of violence, Dikgabe left her marital home and went to her mother’s house.
Soon after, she was shot four times in the presence of her daughters and mother.
“He called to find out where I was and on the same day two men came to the house and attacked and robbed us,” she said.
Dikgabe spent two months in hospital, after which she had to endure hours of gruelling rehabilitation.
“We had to move out of that house because of the traumatic memories.
We moved to an estate where we thought we would be safer,” Dikgabe said.
Her abuser tracked her down and gained access to the house illegally.
“He attacked me in my house while my daughters were present,” she said.
Her ex-husband was eventually arrested and denied bail, but this wasn’t the end of Dikgabe’s nightmare.
She explained the docket then went missing.
“I have done so many follow-ups, but there has been no feedback,” she said.
The man was granted bail in January and fearing he would come after her,
Dikgabe again had to find a new home.
“When I questioned why he had been granted bail, I was informed there were new facts uncovered in the case.
“It is unfortunate that I am dealing with someone who has political influence and money.
“Does one have to die before their case is given the necessary attention?
“I live in fear, but this will not stop me.
“I am crying out to everyone for help, including the mayor. I need help,” she pleaded.
According to Mandisa Khanyile of Rise against GBV, the lockdown has been difficult for many women and children.
“We were not prepared as a country,” she said.
The organisation provides a service for victims who are leaving their abusers.
“People tell victims to leave, but most people don’t actually know what that looks like.
“Leaving is one of the most dangerous times because the perpetrator feels they are losing control,” Khanyile explained.
After the victim makes contact, the organisation finds out the location, determines whether there are any children involved and where the victim will go after they leave. She also noted how migrant women receive no aid from the state.
“There are so many gaps that need to be filled.
“We have seen an increase in domestic rape and molestation in homes.
“What kind of sick society are we?” she asked.
Khanyile recommended authorities give special attention to preventative methods and believes the ‘shelter system’ is flawed.
“Why should the victims be taken out of their homes?
“It is like they are being punished for speaking out.
“The perpetrators should be the ones who move out instead.
“Let us create a society that is survivor responsive,” she said.
Patrick Shai, founder of Khuluma Ndoda (speak man), found it difficult to share his experiences as a reformed perpetrator, but knows his personal journey of shame and intimate partner violence can help other men.
“While growing up I witnessed domestic violence in the home.
“It was a language that was spoken and I thought that was the way to go,” he said.
He admits he used violence as a means of getting what he wanted.
“I believed that for a man to be respected and loved by a partner, she has to be beaten.
“All these lessons were available to me without me even noticing that I had taken it all in.
“Men must call each other out.
“I realised while shooting episodes about domestic violence for Soul City that what I was doing was wrong and unacceptable.
“I called myself out,” he said.
The actor believes, “for us to have an impact, each and every man has to see how he has enabled GBV to happen”.
“At Khuluma Ndoda, we want to help society identify the perpetrator before he commits that act of violence, not after a woman is beaten or killed.
“Let us help you before you raise that hand,” he said.
In response to all the participants, the mayor appealed to those in authority to act decisively.
“This month is about commemoration as much as it is for reflection,” he said.
According to the National Income Dynamics Study – Coronavirus Rapid Mobile Survey, two million of the three million people who lost their jobs and income streams between February and May are women.
“The lockdown exacerbated a historic problem of inequality.
“Women in South Africa are facing three pandemics – Covid-19, an economic pandemic and GBV.
“We have today heard horror stories that we need to pay special attention to as authorities.
“The disproportionate role played by men and women in child care is also evident. “If women are affected, children are too,” said Masina.
The mayor believes the only way to get rid of the scourge that is GBV is for all agencies of socialisation to fight together.
Read: South Africa’s shocking gender based violence statistics
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