Are you living with a terrible secret… a secret about someone you know or a person you trusted violating a child’s rights?
Or, have you kept the ordeal you had to endure as a child a secret?
Many people do not expect or will never believe that heinous crimes, such as rape or molestation, can be committed in their own home or by those they trust.
Many adults who do find out that this has happened either do not know how to deal with it, cannot accept that a loved one or someone they “know well” has committed this crime or may not trust what the victim has said.
What do you do to protect children?
What do you do if the ones you love or know have committed such crimes against you or a child?
What do you do if you have kept these crimes a secret?
Henning Jacobs, trauma support co-ordinator at ER24, said victims who chose to keep quiet or who were never taken seriously while they were young must seek justice by reporting the perpetrator.
“Some victims keep quiet for many years and live with the pain and trauma. A huge injustice has been done to these people. Perpetrators must be brought to book. Finding justice will help victims work through their emotional problems. The first step is to report the incident/s to the police and open a case. Victims should seek legal advice on the steps they should take. They should also seek counselling,” said Jacobs.
Speaking about children, Jacobs said that they should be taught as early as possible that no one is allowed to touch them inappropriately.
“Crimes such as rape or molestation committed by a father, uncle or someone else close like a brother or family friend, is shockingly common. Girls and boys should be informed from the age of about three years old what behaviour is ok and what is not. They should be taught that they do not have to do anything they do not want to do when it comes to physical touch. Make them aware of their bodies. Parents should ensure they have a great relationship with their children so that they, children, are comfortable telling them anything,” he said.
How children are fooled
Jacobs said perpetrators use “love” to fool children.
“Some perpetrators tell victims that what they are doing is the way they express this love. Others tell children they are playing a game and that it is their secret game. They also compensate these children with presents and sweets. Children are blackmailed and often keep quiet due to fear. Some perpetrators tell them that if they tell anyone, something bad will happen. For instance, children are told that they will be taken away from their homes. Some victims are told that someone, such as their father, will go to jail. Some victims are often ashamed and feel that what has happened is their fault,” said Jacobs.
Adults who choose to keep quiet
Jacobs said there are a number of reasons why a mother for example keeps quiet or ignores what the child is saying to them.
“One of the common reasons is finance. The mother may be financially supported by the perpetrator. Often, mothers are also scared of the perpetrator and may fear for their own lives. The victim’s mother might also not believe the child. People who know that someone was or is being sexually assaulted should not keep quiet,” said Jacobs. He said adults must understand that by keeping quiet, they are indirectly telling the child that they are lying and are not trusted.
As a result, the child will grow up and struggle to trust other people. The effect of the adult who knows keeping quiet is devastating on the child.
“Added to this, if the perpetrators get away with it, they may do it to more children. Perpetrators must answer for their deeds.
“It is also illegal to keep quiet. Whenever a law is broken and someone is told about it, that person is according to law, obliged to take further steps,” said Jacobs.
Read: 5 Celebrity Survivors of Abuse and Violence
Jacobs said that children should speak to another trusted person if they encounter problems with the initial person they confided in.
“If a child discloses to a teacher for instance and the mother or parents think that the child is lying, the teacher must help the child and ensure that the police or social services gets involved. Legally an adult is obliged to act and report when a child discloses to them that they are being sexually assaulted,” said Jacobs.
A case should be opened and charges should be laid against the perpetrator. The police can help victims by finding a social worker to assist.
“Then an interdict should be put in place preventing the perpetrator from being within a certain range of the child or the parent/s. A court case will then follow. The court will decide what is best for the child and what happens to the perpetrator,” said Jacobs.
An educational psychologist also needs to be involved so that the child can receive help. The educational psychologist can testify in court as well.
“Extensive counselling is needed to help ensure that the child works through the emotional and physical trauma they have experienced. The parents or people close to these children who were affected also need psychological help to come to terms with what happened and to know how to help the child through the process.
“Trauma counselling will help these people put coping skills in place to help them deal with the aftermath of the abuse. The road to recovery is a long and hard journey, but counselling helps them through the journey and helps them to heal emotionally,” said Jacobs.
Long-term effects
There are several long-term effects of sexual abuse on children.
These include psychological disorders, such as depression, suicidal tendencies and problems during marriage should the person get married or with partners later on in life.
Jacobs said that children who were sexually assaulted sometimes become adults who sexually assault children as well.
Signs
Signs that parents can look out for in children who have been sexually assaulted include huge personality changes.
If a child is generally talkative and all of a sudden is withdrawn, this could be a sign.
A child may withdraw from the person who harmed them.
If it is an uncle or friend for instance, the child might tell parents that they do not want to visit this person anymore.
ER24’s Emergency Contact Centre can be reached 24 hours a day on 084 124 for any medical emergency.
Also read: Be Sensitive to Abuse: Learn From These Social Media Epic Fails
