Don’t blame yourself for a miscarriage

Finding out you are pregnant is the most precious time for any parent. You take all precautions to take care of the unborn baby with everything you have. But sometimes life doesn’t go according to plan and you may end up losing the baby to a miscarriage. Losing your unborn baby can lead to you and your partner blaming yourselves, for something that you had no control over. “Couples who experience a miscarriage often blame themselves because they don’t know why it happened, or they think it could have been prevented in some way,” says Johannesburg-based gynaecologist and obstetrician Dr Tom Mokaya. When you don’t understand the cause of the miscarriage, you are bound to agonise what you could have done differently.

Can a miscarriage be avoided?

There is a reason doctors say you should rush to a health facility when experiencing cramping and bleeding during pregnancy. It is to determine if it’s a miscarriage or not and if it is one, you have to accept that it can’t be avoided and therefore it is not your fault. The most common causes of a miscarriage, especially in early pregnancy, is usually because of genetic problems in the fertilised embryo. For that reason, most miscarriages are assumed to result from a random abnormality in that particular embryo and are usually not investigated, unless one has suffered repeated miscarriages. There are cases where you may get an incomplete miscarriage and experience side effects like significant bleeding or infection, which can have long-term effects.

Consecutive miscarriages

Sometimes the parents may have genetic conditions or other medical conditions that could result in repeated miscarriages. In these instances, medical tests are carried out to establish the cause. Even after investigation, it is possible that the cause may still be not be found.

When does the body go back to normal?

Some couples may want to try again but have reservations. So when is the best time to try again? “If you are psychologically ready to conceive again, anytime is a good time. It usually takes a month for the body to heal If you are healthy and have no long-term complications. So deciding to have a baby is person-specific and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer,” says Dr Mokaya. It is best to discuss your plans with your healthcare provider to decide the best way forward. But the physical healing is usually fast, especially if complications such as excess bleeding or infection do not occur. “To help assist in recovery, your doctor may prescribe iron and folate supplements or medication such as antibiotics,” Mokaya says. A miscarriage can lead to some kind of psychological damage and this lasts much longer and differs woman to woman. That is why you may require counselling and family support to help heal. Counselling and family, or social support is vital when you have a miscarriage. If you have faith and follow your doctor’s orders, you can fall pregnant again. Don’t lose hope.