Toughlove board chairperson Chantal Grotto provided tips when making those hard choices regarding what your addicted loved one needs you to know.
They need you to look beyond their denial
You have reasoned with them, coddled them and begged them to stop. But nothing you do is working. They’re still using and getting sicker each day. You can’t break through the gigantic wall of denial, protecting their illness, instead of pleading with them to hear a message they’re not capable or ready to hear, reach out for support.
They need you to learn about their disease
Knowledge boosts the family’s sense of hope. When you’re learning, you will feel more confident that the addiction can be treated and conquered. They need you to know that enabling them is aiding in their demise.
Substance abusers need help to stay sick. Their families are the first place they turn to get it. Enabling kills as many addicted persons as doing drugs and alcohol. Learning how to help without enabling significantly improves your loved one’s chance of a successful recovery.
They need you to stay close without getting sick
The mind and body are inextricably linked, and the interaction between them can produce physical changes. Constant stress experienced over prolonged periods can lead to long-term problems for the heart and blood vessels. This can increase the risk of hypertension, heart attack and stroke. Finding support with other people experiencing what you are will lessen the physical impact on your mind and body and help you make sounder decisions going forward.
They need you to set boundaries
Without healthy boundaries, you become a doormat to the disease of addiction and helpless to protect yourself. They need you to make changes. You can do this by connecting with supportive friends.
Don’t forget to nurture other relationships. Go for a walk or practise yoga. Don’t always talk about the addicted person. Your non-addicted family members need you too. Taking care of you sends a powerful message. “I practice what I preach.”
ToughLove SA, a nationwide support group consisting of loving individuals who offer guidance and advice to families and individuals in crisis, will soon open a branch in Boksburg to assist anyone needing support in a crisis.
To join the Boksburg group or for more information send a WhatsApp message with the text “Hi” to Grotto on 061 548 9862 or at toughlovemarketingsa@gmail.com
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