Dealing with your teen’s friend that you don’t like

Friends- a sensitive topic for teens and their parents. Why? Your teen may adore their friend but you may see a downside to their friend. Your gut feeling may intuitively tell you that this particular friend is bad news and you may tell your child but they may feel you are reading too much into it and you have nothing to worry about.

Find out why your teen likes the friend

You might have reservations about your child’s friend but that’s because you have never spent time with her to get to her better. Engage your child and find out what they find interesting about this friend and you might get surprising information. Perhaps the friend understands your child in a way that others don’t. Remember, we have all kinds of friends for different reasons. Some make us laugh, others get us etc.

Keep a close eye

Even though you don’t like your child’s friend, it might not be a bad idea to invite her over to your house. When you are around your teen and the friend, do a lot of close observing. You need to look for both the positive and negative in the interactions. Observation may lead to an understanding about the chemistry in the relationship. It is always helpful to have evidence that helps you make informed decisions rather than making assumptions and judgements.

Do not use the information against the friend

Your teen may confide in you and share some information about the friend that is less than positive. It is not in your place to use this information against the friend unless you are concerned about your teen’s safety and/or the friend’s safety. Even in that case you shouldn’t be using this information to berate anyone. .

Do not dictate how much time they spend with the friend

You may be tempted to dictate how much time your child spends with the friend. Don’t do that unless it interferes with your child’s studies or it presents safety, health or danger issues. By being strict and forbidding your child you are creating the opposite effect and make the heart grow fonder.

Play nice

Do not take it upon yourself to be cool, aloof and/or less than kind to the friend. This is not your relationship or your role. Tread lightly, mindfully and carefully.

Expiry date

Bear in mind that friendships often have a limited shelf life during the adolescent years. The friendship may not be a long-lived relationship and may therefore not require you to get bent out of shape or even excessively concerned. In due course, it will fade.

Don’t assume

It is unfair to assume that the friend is influencing your child negatively. Our children may portray a certain image in front of us but be the opposite in the outside world. I know that we hate to think of our kids this way but they too are human and not flawless. Do not try to base your feelings and thoughts about this friend solely on the friend’s history. Individuals of all ages change and everyone deserves a second chance.