Professional highlights the signs of narcissistic abuse
Caxton Local Media reached out to social worker and director at LifeLine Durban, Pravisha Dhanapalan, to find out about the signs of narcissistic abuse and how to identify them.
THE word narcissist has become a common buzzword in social culture, and it is widely understood that this label is not a good one. However, the term narcissist is used by psychologists to refer to someone who has a narcissistic personality disorder, and the signs and symptoms of this disorder can only be verified by a professional. You can, however, in your own life, identify some of the narcissistic characteristics in yourself or in someone else to make informed decisions about how to make a change in your behaviour or how to deal with a person in your life who is displaying these characteristics.
In light of World Narcissistic Abuse Day, which was observed on June 1, an annual day that intends to raise awareness about narcissistic abuse, Caxton Local Media reached out to social worker and director at LifeLine Durban, Pravisha Dhanapalan, to find out a bit more about the signs of narcissistic abuse and how to identify them.
Dhanapalan explains that narcissistic abuse is generally a form of abuse that starts from behaviours such as aggression, lack of empathy and a need for admiration. “We find that the clients we see are mainly women who are often experiencing abuse in the form of intimidation and coercion and in some instances, emotional blackmail. This is the situation in the majority of our GBV [gender-based violence] cases,” she said.
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She said there are various signs of narcissistic abuse. “With our victims of GBV, we find that their abusers often try to isolate them by removing their support system of family, friends and any social networks. In doing this, the narcissist ensures that the victim is completely dependent on them for everything, making themselves the primary source of affection, validation and support. They may also use insults, threats and accusations to manipulate the victim into doing what they want. Then, we find that other signs displayed by narcissistic abusers are as follows: controlling behaviours, verbal abuse and threats of physical abuse.”
The social worker says that narcissism is a mental health condition. “The simplest way to explain this is when someone lacks the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others – and one who displays manipulative, selfish, patronising and demanding behaviour.”
Dhanapalan explained that someone who is a narcissist will show some of the following signs:
- They will be constantly impatient or angry
- They experience major problems interacting with others
- They react with rage and try to belittle other people
- They have difficulty managing their emotions and behaviour
- They experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change
Her advice for people who are in a relationship with a narcissist:
- Be aware and know your partner
- Don’t idealise your partner
- Set clear boundaries
- Clearly communicate how their actions affect you
- Don’t internalise hurtful comments
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The Lifeline director says that victims of narcissistic abuse tend to suffer long-term effects from their relationship. “Victims of narcissistic abuse tend to feel a complete sense of helplessness and worthlessness. They often need psychosocial support and counselling. They lose all sense of self-esteem, confidence and trust. They struggle and sometimes find it impossible to engage in another relationship,” she said.
To combat the abuse, Dhanapalan suggests that the person being abused should set boundaries. “Maintain your boundaries, and remind yourself that you are not to be blamed. Don’t accept their behaviour, and acknowledge when you need professional help.”
To recover from a relationship that involved narcissistic abuse, she says that the victim must first acknowledge what has happened. “Set boundaries – start with no contact, and reach out to your support systems. It is always advisable to seek professional help. Most importantly, be patient and exercise self-care.”
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