International Bereaved Mother’s Day: mom shares her hope through counselling
Haaland emphasised the need for support and counselling during bereavement and to not escape by numbing the pain but to rather go through the emotions.
WHEN Jerelene Haaland lost her daughter, Andrea Thaver, in 2015, she knew the road ahead would be unbearable and the pain excruciating.
What she didn’t realise is that one day the pain and hardship would turn into a global movement for bereaved moms like herself and others who have suffered some kind of loss, where a forum would form and turn into a place of healing.
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Speaking from her new home in Norway, ahead of International Bereaved Mothers’ Day (May 7), Haaland said that, at first, she struggled to find the reason why Andrea was taken away from her.
“In hindsight, I now see that the experience has been to reveal my purpose through my pain. I truly believe that it’s my God-given purpose to counsel and support the bereaved, to help them find closure, and to live life in honour of their loved ones. He wants us to give Him our pain and not be burdened with it,” she said.
Andrea and three other girls who attended Victory Christian Academy died in an accident while on their way back from a school trip, when a truck and the minibus they were travelling in collided near Ballito.
“At the time, I started a support group with three of the girls’ moms at my home in Durban North, and I found we were going through the same things – the loss of appetite, depression, anger and all sorts of other emotions,” said Haaland.
She then expanded the group and connected with people all over the world via her Facebook group, Angel Warriors.
Soon after starting this group, the mother saw herself counselling church groups and speaking at events and had to move the support group from her lounge to the hall of a Durban North primary school.
“There are now several online support groups because loss doesn’t only mean losing a loved one through death. Some mourn losing a job, going through a divorce, a lost friendship and the like. All of these events are life-changing,” she said.
“When Andrea passed on, some days were a blur. I was brokenhearted and distraught by life’s events, but I managed to get through it. Feeling this way doesn’t have to end your story. I did try professional counselling, but for me, personally, I wanted to reach out to people who had gone through an experience similar to me, and as the support group grew, I realised that everyone else wanted the same thing, too,” she said.
“It’s important to go through the stages of grief as opposed to escape it by keeping busy. You have to trust the process. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope,” she said.
Her message to bereaved mothers is to take it one day at a time and to still honour your child who has passed on by still living life to the fullest.
“For me, I had to revisit some places that Andrea had been to, do some of the things she loved and speak to people she had engaged with prior to her death. This was my way of honouring her legacy. She would want me to keep going,” said Haaland.
She is available for anyone from any part of the world who is in need of counselling. Email her on jerelene73@gmail.com.
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