Tip 1. Model optimism. It starts with you.

• Make a list of attributes you would like to see in your children and take note; are you modeling these for them?
• Look for ways to show your children how to find happiness. Share your feelings of success and point out things that make you smile.
• Quit complaining. It is likely that your children will learn to do the same.
• Seek out opportunities to introduce your child to positive role models in your family.

Tip 2. Dealing with mishaps.

• Mistakes are a part of life and should be dealt with positively. Turn problems into opportunities and learn from mistakes.
• Allow your children to come up with solutions to problems and resist the temptation of solving the problem for them. You’ll be surprised at their innovative approaches.

Tip 3. Confront negative self –talk

• Notice the negative self-talk, such as “Bad things always happen to me” or nobody likes me”. Help your child externalize it or see it from an outsider’s view and dispute it.
• Affirmations, visualizing goals and acknowledging good qualities about themselves help children develop attitudes of confidence and hope.
• Ask questions such as “what could you do better next time?” or “What would you say to your friend if they were thinking this way?”
• It is important to change these negative thoughts, but it is very important not to give false praise.

Tip 4. Give specific feedback

• Offer specific praise instead of general praise. Participation, effort and enjoyment are all equally important.

Tip 5. Validate your child’s feelings

• Listen before commenting. Offer your child strategies for looking more hopefully at the situation.
• Help your child learn to foster optimistic thinking. “How can I change the situation?” or “Why did that happen, and what can I do differently to make it better?”

Tip 6. Help your children set themselves up for success

• Participating in tasks within your child’s ability will provide them with positive experiences, developing self-esteem and allowing them to see themselves as capable.

Tip 7.  Don’t underestimate your children

• Expect more. Allowing your children to take responsibility such as doing chores empowers them, making them feel capable; developing self-worth.

Tip 8. Use positive not negative labels when talking to or about your children

• If your child presents unacceptable behavior, model the desired behavior. For example, if your child is whining refrain from calling him or her a whiner and practice using a desired tone with your child.

*****

“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders,

But they have never failed to imitate them.”

James Baldwin

Written By: Geertje Wadsworth (Crawford Pre-Primary North Coast Principal)

So where do we start? As the proverb goes, “the best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago, but the second-best time is now.” So, let’s begin with ideas we can nurture and grow now…

• Parenting styles differ greatly. Julie Lythcott-Haims in her book, “How to Raise an Adult – Break Free of the Over-Parenting Trap and Prepare your Kid for Success”, mentions her preferred style, “AUTHORITATIVE, which is demanding and responsive. These parents set high standards, expectations, and limits, which they uphold with consequences. They are also emotionally warm and responsive to their child’s emotional needs. They reason with their kids, engaging in a give-and-take for the sake of learning. They give their child freedom to explore, to fail, and to make their own choices.” This style with its balance of strictness and warmth helps engender a child’s trust and respect.

• We need to help our kids build self-efficacy. They need to see that success comes from doing work that matters and that it requires effort. They need to have faith in their own ability to complete tasks (without help from their parents!) and reach set goals. Foster grit and perseverance. They need to realize that while there will be challenges in life, they possess the tenacity to meet and overcome them. Encourage in them a Stoic mindset.  As Marcus Aurelius said, “What stands in the Way, becomes the Way. The obstacle is the path.’ the world will constantly test them. Can they get past the things that inevitably fall in their way? Will they stand up and show the world what they’re made of?
• While we’re talking about the self, help your kids develop THE meta-skill of the 21^st Century, SELF-AWARENESS, which is the ability to see ourselves for who we are, appreciate how others see us and to begin to understand our place in the world. Self-esteem which is the belief in one’s worth and value is important and must be appropriately nurtured but it is self-awareness that removes the blinkers from our kid’s eyes and allows them the vision to accurately tune into their current station in life. Our children will never get to where they want to go in the future if they don’t know where they are now. Help them develop their will and skill. Teach them to build their competence and with that, they will deserve their confidence.
• Give them opportunities to enter Flow – “the zone” in which we achieve optimal performance and feel our best. Gaining access to flow means being completely engaged with a task, preferably something you love to do and setting achievable goals. The task is normally something beyond your current level of skill and this requires you to stretch your skill set and reach to ascend to new levels. Kids should find a hobby or seek meaning in their learning which could give them a chance to enter flow. The more they operate in flow, the greater and more spectacular the accomplishments that our kids will accomplish.

This is by no means an exhaustive list. But it is a place to start. We need to raise 21^st Century Citizens. Future adults who are critical and creative thinkers, resilient and gritty in their approach and most importantly purpose driven. Children who are taught not just to survive life’s hardships but who will seek out and thrive on its challenges.

Often times the behaviours which they display in this regard may make them come across as a bit of a tyrant. They have big ideas running through their minds and they want things to be done exactly right. They tend to be egocentric and want others to play the way they want to play, and struggle to take “no” for an answer. If this is your child, take note, as it may quite possibly lead to bigger problems in the long run if not nurtured appropriately.

As adults we tend to be bossy too, but recognise when things are not working out and instead formulate new action plans. Children on the other hand find it difficult to move beyond their own immediate needs. For some, bossiness is momentary, while others have a naturally dominant personality. This in turn could lead to more consistent bossy behaviour.

Tell-tale signs of a ‘bossy’ kid include: Telling other kids that they do things wrong, having difficulty waiting for a turn (more often than not), disagreeing with rules (and/or often creating new rules), focusing on winning, and interrupting often. Those learners with a more dominant personality will also try to gain some control, test one’s limit, be attention seeking, and copy the behaviour of other children or an adult.

Ultimately bossy children tend to be bright, gifted, assertive and creative. If nurtured properly these traits can become an asset in developing appropriate leadership skills. However, if left untamed bossy children may well feel and become more isolated within any environment.

Parents and other adults can be important teachers as children learn how to get along with their friends. They need your help in understanding what works and what doesn’t work. And most importantly, they need your encouragement as they build strong friendships.

Here are some key tips to help tone down that bossy-boots:
Tips to tone down bossiness

Tip #1: Satisfy the need to be in charge
Look for opportunities where your child can have power to make decisions or take control. Provide choices when it comes to food, chores, dressing, play and other daily activities.

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Tip #2: Model how to give directions
Often times our kids simply repeat the behaviours they learn from watching us. Stop and take a look at how you ask your spouse and your kids to do things. Modelling our own requests in a positive, calm manner can make a big difference in how our kids talk to their siblings and peers. Practice mutual respect. Apologize when you make a mistake and keep your voice firm but calm when correcting behaviours. And avoid humiliation when correcting bossy behaviour in a group setting, by rather taking your child aside and pointing out specifics, followed by examples of more appropriate ways to handle the situation.

Tip #3: Role-Play
Look for as many situations as possible to take advantage of modelling, turn-taking and asking permission to do things with other people, rather than being bossy. Get your children to use those active imaginations in a role-play, using puppets and stuffed toys working through issues such as negotiation, speaking out about feelings and finding alternative positive ways of how heated situations may be handled better. You could also do a role reversal: Allow your child to be you for fifteen minutes. She gets to make and enforce the rules, choose the meals, and run the show. Watch out! It will probably be fairly eye opening!

Tip #4: Say “yes” whenever possible
No one likes to be told “No” the majority of the time and let’s face it, pre-schoolers make unreasonable requests all day long and get told “No” on a regular basis. This is often deflating. Rather look for opportunities to say “Yes” to your child whenever possible, so that he feels like his personal wants and needs are being met.

Tip #5: Play board games
Most bossy kids have the need to win. Board games are a wonderful opportunity to nonchalantly enforce turn-taking and playing by a set of rules. It’s also a good moment to reinforce that the joy can be in the game itself, rather than the outcome. Be excited about the game and how much fun it is enjoying the time you are spending together, not about who is winning or losing. This will help plant the seed that it’s not about winning, it’s about interacting and enjoying an experience together.

Even with it being quite frustrating, always make yourself as parent/guardian available, aware and ready to jump in when your child needs help with which behaviours are bossy and how to change them. Bossiness can’t be cured overnight, but the sooner you start the sooner your child will learn to play and be fair towards others.

Now that we know how to assist a bossy child, let’s take a look at ways of encouraging a sensitive child to stand up to Miss Bossy Boots.

Having been a teacher in the Foundation Phase I often came across sensitive learners being taken advantage of and suddenly I realized that teaching and encouraging parents to teach their children to stand up for themselves was far more important than encouraging an easy going personality. You can’t change a child’s inherent nature, but you can help kids stick up for their right, with confidence.
Being assertive helps in virtually every relationship at school, at home and on the playground. In the classroom, it puts a child at an advantage because she’s comfortable commanding the teacher’s attention, raising her hand if she knows the answer, and asking for extra help if she is lost. She will also have an easier time making friends, since she won’t hesitate to say, “Hey, can I play too?”
Of course, there’s a vast difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Assertiveness is letting people know your wants and needs; aggressiveness is imposing those wants and needs on others as we stated in part one of this article. An aggressive child will try to manhandle a playmate out of her Cozy Coupe; an assertive one, on the other hand, would say, “I’d like a turn when you’re done.”
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Experts believe that assertiveness is, in part, inherited. And we all know from our own experience that some children are simply born comfortable with saying what they want; others are inherently more shy or passive. And you don’t want to override natural tendencies by strong-arming a timid youngster into trying out for the lead in a play: Trying to force a child into a role that’s not comfortable for her in order to boost her confidence may have the opposite effect. It will also make her miserable.

But there are ways to nurture the nugget of assertiveness in any child without pushing too hard, or to help a retiring one see that being just a touch more pushy can be useful. Basically, anything that promotes a healthy sense of self-esteem helps promote assertiveness. If a child feels good about who she is and what she has to say – if she’s comfortable in her own skin – she’ll be more likely to assert herself. To start the engine chugging:

Indulge your child, but also discipline appropriately
Indulge your child with the odd cuddle. This will give him a sense of safety and security – a crucial component of confidence.
It is important to also lay down rules by criticizing the behaviour displayed rather than your child as a more esteem affirming way of discipline. In this way, you avoid belittling your child, thus preventing her from feeling bad about herself and instead encouraging assertiveness.

Be consistent.
If you tell your child she can’t jump on the furniture, don’t let her do it on Friday nights just because you’re tired after a long week. If the rules are constantly changing, she won’t know what’s expected of her. And that makes it harder for her to be assertive.

Explain your command (briefly)
Saying, “You have to go to bed so you won’t be tired for camp” is preferable to “Because I said so.” This helps your child distinguish right from wrong, rather than perceive rules as arbitrary.

Teach shy kids how to speak up
If your child is always getting gypped out of his turn on the playground or having his toys snatched away at school, he may not realize you think it is okay to stand up for himself or he may not know how to do it politely. Children don’t always realize there’s a middle ground between giving in and being pushy right back. Explain that it’s fine for him to demand his fair share, and then give him specific suggestions on how he could handle similar situations that come up in the future. Modelling the right behaviour can help any child learn to deal with a bossy friend or peer.

Discourage peer worship
Some children shy away from asserting their true selves because they want to fit in or to emulate a cherished pal. Often times they would want to order the same foods as their friends or wear the same clothes. Instead encourage your child towards making choices of her own even if the friend may not like it. It is important for her to then hear that no one would like her any more or less if she disagreed with them. In fact it makes life more interesting. Reminding her over a few occasions will help her eventually realize that her friend will not leave her, she will stop being a follower. Also prepare her for the possibility that her playmate might reject her, and explain that a friend who doesn’t respect other people’s opinions isn’t worth having.
Don’t be worried if your child’s shyness persists; maybe she’s just not ready to assert herself. Many reticent kids grow into strong-minded teens.

Let her call the shots,- sometimes
If you’re always telling your child exactly what to do and when to do it, she won’t learn how to take the initiative. So instead encourage her to decide for herself what activities she’d most like to do. That way she feels listened to, and experiences the control over having her needs met.

Part of being assertive is having confidence in your ability to make good choices. So give your child room to make mistakes so that she can learn ways to correct herself.
This isn’t to say that you have to go along with your child every time she decides to do something, just that you shouldn’t ignore or negate her feelings. If you acknowledge your child’s feelings, she’ll be more comfortable airing them in the future.

Practice, Practice
Once you’ve laid the groundwork for assertiveness, encourage your kids to practice in the “real” world. A good example is to encouraged your child to order for themselves in restaurants, learning that though the waitress is there to serve them, they still need to be polite and say ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’

The goal is to teach your kids to make their needs known in a polite, non-confrontational way. Children also learn by example, so when you stand up for yourself when returning damaged merchandise to a reluctant store owner, say, or stopping someone from cutting ahead in line, -try to be as friendly, forth-right, and matter-of-fact about it as possible.

Encourage kids to think for themselves
Once your child is old enough to carry on a conversation, encourage her to speak her mind-even if you disagree with her. That means, for example, that you can’t get annoyed with your daughter for disliking your best friend’s son. If she is shot down every time she has an opinion that differs from your opinion as parents, she’ll shy away from asserting herself. Do, however, insist that she treat your friend’s son cordially.

The dinner table is a great place to promote independent thinking. Ask a 3- or 4year old what her favourite colour is, and why. Ask a school-age child who the best rugby player or swimmer is, what she’d do with a million, or why there’s so much pollution even though almost everyone thinks polluting is bad. Posing open-ended or provocative questions shows a child there isn’t necessarily one right answer in life. And teaching her she can arrive at her right answer will help her trust her own opinions. Plus, she’ll get practice verbalizing her position and listening to the other side of the argument. And being able to stand up for what you believe in without alienating others is the ultimate badge of assertiveness.

Good luck and happy friend making

Welcome positive peer pressure. If another child is pushing your child toward something better, that is a good thing. It might help your child socially or academically. For example, it might encourage your child to participate in the school talent show or rugby trials.

Understand negative peer pressure. Your child wants to fit in, doesn’t want to feel rejected or teased, and isn’t sure how to get out of a bad situation. Start early by preparing your young child for peer pressure. When they are in preschool, tell them not to copy silly or bad behaviour. For example, if a friend or classmate pressures them to take something that doesn’t belong to them, teach them how to say “no” and walk away.

As your child goes through preparatory school, talk with them about smoking, drugs, and alcohol. Peers pressure kids to sneak out of the house, bunk school, drive without a license (or ride with an underage driver), steal, vandalize property, and cheat, too. Give your child ideas of what to say when pressured. Practice this “role playing” often. This helps your child get out of a bad situation. Tell your child they can blame you if they need to get out of a bad situation. Give your child a special code word to say or text you if they can’t get out of a situation on their own. This will signal that they need help.

Share your family values. It’s important to let your child know how you feel about stealing, cheating, bullying, and more. When a child knows something is wrong, they will think twice before agreeing to do it.

Encourage your child to feel good about him or herself. Celebrate their achievements and praise them when they make good choices. Children who feel good about themselves are more likely to resist negative peer pressure. The same is true with friendships. Children who have friends whose families share your values are more likely to resist negative peer pressure. Monitor your child’s friendships (in-person and online).

There may be a day when your child makes a bad choice because peer pressure. When this happens, remain calm. It’s a good opportunity to teach your child about choices and having the courage to say no.

Negative peer pressure can have a downward spiral effect. This means that pressure to commit small wrongs can lead to more serious bad behaviour. For example, if your child is easily pressured to take things that don’t belong to him, he or she might one day agree to experiment with shoplifting.
Don’t forget that the media and internet are forms of peer pressure. What your children hear and see on TV and online can influence your child’s choices. Monitor these influences by:

Limiting your child’s exposure to TV and the internet. Consider your child’s age and other responsibilities (homework, job, family time) to decide on how much time he or she should be allowed to watch TV or explore the internet.
Monitoring what your child watches or views on the internet. You can see your child’s internet search history on a computer. You also can check your child’s phone to see what apps he or she has downloaded. Require your child to provide his or her passwords in return for the privilege of accessing TV and digital media.
Learning more about the music your child listens to. Some song lyrics can send powerful, negative messages.
Watching TV or searching the internet together. This gives you an opportunity reinforce your family values. It also gives you an opportunity to sort out fact from fiction on certain things (drugs, alcohol, pregnancy, etc.).
Securing your home’s TV and online devices. Most cable, internet, and cell phone providers have parent control settings that restrict inappropriate material from children.
Monitoring your child’s electronic use at their friend’s homes or when friends bring electronic devices to your home (laptops, tablets, phones). Tell your child what is and what is not allowed.

Now, having grown up (somewhat), I can see what that sort of thing did to my parents. Yes, they got free babysitting, but they were also dreadfully undermined. Where should the line be drawn….?

Grandparents have earned the right to spoil their grandchildren but to what end…

Many say that the role of grandparents is to spoil their grandchildren like they couldn’t spoil their own children, but this just seems like an excuse to sugar-load grandchildren and give them back to their parents at the end of the day.

In order to maintain the peace – boundaries need to be made by the parents. Roles need to be clearly defined to ensure a happy and healthy grandparent – parent – grandchildren relationship.

Points to bear in mind for parents and grandparents:

• Opinions are allowed, but don’t always need to be shared
• Support decisions made by parents
• Don’t criticise
• Trust your children to raise their children
• Communicate
• Grandchildren look up to their grandparents – allow this!
• Don’t sweat the small stuff
• Meet halfway

When all is said and done, the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is incredibly special and wonderful and sadly, may often be fleeting.

Love, laugh, cuddle and enjoy your time together.

Distributed on behalf of Pecanwood College,

In the society in which we live, this perceived potential for risk and uncertainty, can add stress and anxiety to the larger life decisions we face. Added to this, our society is in a constant state of flux –

Politically (as populist movements increase), economically (challenges from crypto currencies) and socially (with the advent of social media platforms- challenging the essence of our relationships with one another). Many young people face uncertain futures as they watch the challenge to our tertiary system. Online courses are on the increase and careers are constantly evolving. Uncertainty can foster a sense of indecision and self-doubt. The media constantly floods our cognitive space, setting definitive guidelines as to what would be construed as socially acceptable and cyber communication brings an immediate communication of all world events clouded by the advent of fake news. There is an overwhelming amount of information available to us and often, young people feel incapable of making sense of it all.

How then do young people learn to take control over their lives through effective decision-making?

Those students who appear adept in this skill are those who often have a clear sense of self, which has been developed as a result of authentic life experiences, rather than those based on contrived digital experiences.  They are familiar with the wonderful potential of both their intellectual and their physical capacity and have developed a sense of resilience, having faced failure in a supportive environment. Parents who allow their children to celebrate the learning that occurs when mistake are made, teach resilience. Thereby overcoming the fear of failure that often paralyses young people when they face life decisions.

Young people who are allowed to be curious and independent in their thinking, find decision making another opportunity to explore the unknown, chart a different course, flex themselves. This becomes the art of decision-making.

Those who travel, read, explore their faith, live in the physical, and not the digital world, get to build a wealth of insight into their capabilities, and their limitations. They have authentic knowledge as to challenges they have faced, skills they have relied on and support that they can draw on. This frees them, to try new things, trust their judgment and act out their choices.

Interaction with a variety of people, exposure to diversity in terms of ideas, faith and culture is empowering and builds understanding, insight, compassion and empathy – all necessary when making informed decisions as very rarely does a decision just impact one person -inevitably, ethical considerations are often required and so a true sense of one’s personal values is of paramount importance.

The world we live in requires that individuals are innovative, creative and solutions driven. All these factors require young people to be able to make decisions, act on them and then reflect on the decision made and the outcomes presented. Parents, who make all the decisions for their children, stunt their curiosity and buffer the learning process thereby preventing independence of thought and the development of self-confidence.

Decision-making therefore in my mind is crafted over time, built alongside character and identity and bolstered by lessons learnt through life experiences and teachable moments.

By Jenny Platford Crawford College La Lucia School Counsellor

The elements of being a team player are varied and great in number. The trust factor is undeniably at the heart of all things related to teamwork. Having the faith to delegate tasks and allowing individuals the freedom to make decisions requires a great degree of trust. It boils down to putting your fate and that of the team’s in the hands of others.

Other vital components include commitment to the team-goal, selflessness and an ability to compromise. Ultimately, it is about putting the group ahead of yourself.

Consequently, it remains my firm belief that the sports field remains one of the most effective “classrooms” in terms of learning to be a team player. Having to cope with the teams expectations and being responsible for motivating your teammates while having to cope with your own inner doubts are daunting at the best of times. These demands are often magnified by the fact that the sporting contest often takes place in the public arena thereby increasing the fear of failure.  Unsurprisingly many of our strongest and most character building memories revolve around these sporting moments be they making the last-ditch tackle to stop a try, scoring the winning goal or consoling a teammate after their mistake cost the team. These moments often have an impact on our self-confidence and character long after the occasion has passed and often serve to inspire us to even greater things.

It is undeniable that being part of a team does leave one vulnerable as it takes the individual out of their comfort zone. This aspect makes teamwork both challenging and rewarding. To celebrate an achievement brought about by a united effort remains one of the greatest sensations and allows us a bonding experience with our fellow people that is irreplaceable.

It remains my firm belief that teamwork remains one of humanity’s greatest assets and its unlimited potential will undoubtedly be vital in overcoming our political, economic and social challenges that currently beset our world.

By: Farone Eckstein, Principal of Trinityhouse High Randpark Ridge

There are of course those children who come home early every afternoon and “sloth” in front of a computer or TV all afternoon and evening. Parents take very little interest in the child and allow this sort of behaviour to occur. This problem is something totally different and will not be addressed in this article. Neither will the sad situation that exists for so many South African children because of socioeconomic situations. For these children just getting to and from school is a mission in itself, before they come home to a household where they will be expect to do chores and in many cases care for their orphaned siblings.

For those privileged who do have access to a wide range of activities and opportunities, the question that many parents ask is “How can my child get the balance right, between school work, sport, school activities, social time and relaxation?” It is vital that children take full advantage of all the opportunities offered to them.

There is no real answer as it really is a case that all children differ. Some just thrive on being busy and cope incredibly well and yet others just find that they are sinking rather than swimming. Isn’t this the case with so many adults?

The secret is planning. In the case of Primary School children, the duty of the parent and child is to look at all the options. At the start of each term, the parents and child need to sit down with pen and paper. The non-negotiable aspects such as schoolwork and homework should be the first items to be put onto the schedule. Having an organized and disciplined approach to academics will pay dividends not only in scholastic results, but in preparing your child for a future in the not-too-friendly workplace out there.

A healthy lifestyle is likewise a vital aspect not only of healthy development, but also of inculcating good lifetime habits. One only has to look at how many unfit and overweight children there are in our school system to see what I am talking about. This carries on to health in later life where South African adults do not fare well in the health stakes when it comes to levels of general health.

A child must however not be pushed into an activity where he or she has a distinct dislike of the sport. This will have the reverse effect an actually kill the child’s attitude to sport. Just because Dad enjoyed rugby at school, does not mean that Johnny should have the same passion. Parents should encourage without being too prescriptive. The chosen activity might not be a traditional sport like Netball or Cricket, but rather something like Judo or Cycling. Remember that it is ‘horses for courses” and the child must look forward to the activity. Sadly peer group pressure often plays a role, and in particular, many boys are forced into sports such as rugby so as to gain acceptance from contemporaries.

Beware of becoming too competitive at too early an age. It is distressing to see parents of eight and nine year old boys, screaming from the side of the rugby field. A competitive spirit is something that will develop naturally within a child and does not need to be fostered by an aggressive over-involved father who probably did not make any impact on the sports field in his day!

Right brain or creative activities should also play a role in the life of your child. Be it painting, craft work or playing a musical instrument it can be incredibly beneficial for the mind as well as for gross and fine motor control. You will see how an apparently musically unenthusiastic child takes to the challenge of playing of drums.

Children should also be encouraged to spend time with friends, although I would encourage them to have some sort of focus. Going to a movie or playing a game is to be encouraged. Vegetating along with a friend and sending text messages to other friends in not regarded as social activity, and this sort of behaviour should be limited. Where possible, contact with friends should be limited to weekends and holidays. At all costs, parents should be restricting cell phone contact with friends during the school week.

Reading is something which is sadly lacking in many children’s daily routines. This is particularly the case for boys. Twenty minutes before bedtime will pay rich dividends. Reading plays such a role in all academic subjects as well as enriching a child’s general knowledge. A reluctant reader should be encouraged by giving him books or even magazines which focus on his particular interests, be it motor racing, sport or dinosaurs.

In the schedule there should of course be time to do the vegetable bit. Lounging in front of the TV on a Sunday afternoon, lying on their beds or else playing computer games should  be allowed from time to time although it must never be allowed to become too much of their lifestyle. We as adults need “time out” and this privilege should also be extended to our often over-extended children. Free time, even when apparently no real input is occurring, is important for the child.

Part of getting the balance right is looking at sleep patterns. Although all children are different in their needs, it vital that your child gets enough sleep. It is blatantly obvious to any experienced teacher, who when greeting their class first thing in the morning, can see who did not get enough sleep the night before. A tired mind and body cannot be receptive in the classroom.

As with all things in life it is getting the balance right. Between academics, sport, a social life, sleep, relaxation and creative activities, no one will ever find the perfect balance. The secret however is to find out what makes your child tick and puts a smile on their face, while at the same time, gives them a broad based and healthy view on life.

1. Have a song ready for each choreInstead of doing a chore in total silence, consider coming up with a song to accompany the chore. This can make the chore fun and something to look forward to. Task each child to create a song for the chore and offer a prize for the best chore song.Give out an award for a completed choreWith each completed chore, your tween can get a gold star or a reward. Make the reward age appropriate and a treat so that they can start looking forward to completing chores.Get the whole family to chip inMake it a family occasion by asking everyone to contribute and take responsibility for a chore. This can be a great bonding session where everyone is able to accomplish a task and have fun while at it. Just keep everyone focused by reminding them that each is working towards a common goal.Encourage your tweenKeep the chore conversation light and full of positivity so that your tween is encouraged to work hard, do their best and not complain. Once they receive positive feedback, doing chores will become a positive activity which they will end up looking forward to.Hand the chore responsibility overKeep track of their progress as they do each chore but hand the responsibility of coming up with a chore over to your kids. This way they’ll come up with innovative ways to keep the house clean or they will think of places to clean that everyone else may have neglected. This results in a win-win situation for everyone.

1. MeetingSchedule a meeting that is private where the two of you can talk without anyone overhearing. It’s better to ask one parent to handle the conversation as your tween might see it as an ambush if both parents are present. Give your child an opportunity to explain what went wrong and to ask for help or support. Be calm and hear your tween out.One on oneAfter the initial meeting, schedule regular check-ins with your tween. This should be done casually so that your child doesn’t feel like they are under surveillance.SupportOffer as much support as you can so that your tween knows that there is assistance to get them back on track.EncouragementBesides support, encourage your child by being there for them whenever they need to talk and by providing them with books, movies and activities that will propel them to work hard and to excel at school.TutoringA tutor can give your child academic support which will solve their school problems and misunderstandings in a way that you may not be able to. Consider investing in one to enable your tween to have additional study aides and academic advice so that they can produce better results.