White ribbons memorial helps Musgrave mourners manage grief

WHITE ribbons tied to the fence at Musgrave Methodist Church commemorate the lives of those lost during the Covid-19 pandemic, when isolation and social distancing have often prevented families from seeing loved ones battling terminal illnesses.

Anne Barbour, wife to the minister of the church, David Barbour, said families across South Africa and abroad have asked her to add their loved one’s name to the wall.

She welcomes more requests- anyone can add their loved one’s name to the wall.

Barbour writes the name of the person who passed away on a white ribbon and ties it to the fence.

“Often with death, one struggles to know what to say to a person who has lost someone close to them. We don’t always know how to care. Sometimes it is something tangible that is most meaningful,” she said.

Some 70 names have gone up on the ribbon memorial since it began last year.

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“It cropped up early in the Covid-19 pandemic. We heard of white ribbons being used as a memorial at churches overseas. We set this up toward the end of last year when there were higher death rates. It’s a way for people to experience grief,” said Barbour.

The memorial commemorates those lost to Covid-19, as well as those lost during the pandemic.

“People were dying of all sorts of things and no one had the opportunity to have a proper memorial service.”

“We started tying the ribbons in February and started receiving more names. We have about 70 names now. I always make a collage and send the family a picture of their ribbon on the fence. Such a simple thing has meant so much. I have sent these pictures all over the world to each family member of the person,” explained Barbour.

Losing my mother to cancer

The white ribbon initiative was also inspired by Barbour’s own experience after losing her mother to cancer during the lockdown period when hospital visitations were barely allowed.

“She died of cancer toward the end of last year and there was definitely a feeling that we had been cheated out of those last moments with her. The white ribbons aren’t just for people who have died from Covid-19, but anyone who has died, because the protocols around the pandemic has changed the way we manage death and mourn as families. This is just a small token to show care,” she said.

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The illness struck just as regulations were beginning to ease after a year of isolation and limited contact under lockdown protocols.

“That whole year, we didn’t have the chance to spend those last moments together and connect as a family,” said Barbour.

She hopes to offer others a way to manage grief through the white ribbon memorial.

“The restrictions are still there, so people who are going through the process of having someone close to them be ill. It is more difficult, it’s just harder- you can’t be with them or see them,” said Barbour

To find out more about the memorial or to add a ribbon to the wall, contact Barbour via email: abarbour@absamail.co.za.

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