Hello, Blog Land.
It’s your old pal LG.
I’m back again, writing the usual smut.
This month I decided to talk about my favourite subject (besides sport) – Benonians!
Yaaaaaaaay!!!
We have always been a unique kettle of fish.
I mean, where else would you find folks who long for a now demolished mine dump?
Seriously, people used to camp up there back in the ’70s.
Weirdos!
From our lingo to the daily things we do, we are ’n bietjie otherwise.
Even our bodies are different!
How so, Logie G?
Well, dear blog reader, let me explain to you “The Anatomy of a Benonian”.
As you can see in the featured image above I have labelled some parts of the human body with letters to better explain my big (mostly male) generalisations.
Here goes:
A = Hair
It’s not called a “Benoni pony” for nothing.
Business in the front, party in the back.
Mullets were invented in Benoni!
Okay, I don’t think that is a true fact, but I wouldn’t be surprised.
To be entirely honest, I have not actually seen someone rocking a Benoni pony in a while.
Perhaps they all moved up the drag with Vernon Koekemoer and the boys in Brakpan?
Oh, and do not get me started on “man buns”.
Chaps, if you want to look like you’ve paid a visit to Jurita Bakery and just plonked some baked goods on your head then be my guest, but, just remember:
B = Brains
This one could cause some controversy.
But, seriously, people need to use their pips, especially when driving!
Two drops of rain and suddenly we are all rendered completely useless behind the wheel.
Okay, rant over.
There are actually some super smart folks who came from these parts.
Did you know that the guy who invented Computicket is a ’Nonian?
Percy Tucker, aka “Mr Computicket”, combined art and science, and changed the face of entertainment in South Africa by creating the world’s first computerised ticketing system.
Legend!
C = Mouth
Yus, but one thing we can do as Benonians is talk, talk, talk.
Our people are not shy to express ourselves when we don’t get what we want.
Nothing wrong with that though.
If the only movie house in town looks like a bomb has hit it, speak up!
You might get some big shot to pay attention and sort it out.
In this age of social media we all have a voice, just be careful how you use your voice (we don’t want any local Penny Sparrows).
Also, there are some truly incredible folks out there who give a voice to the voiceless, and I thank them for that.
To the people who do work at animal organisations and help the destitute and vulnerable in society, thank you, dankie, siyabonga.
D = Throat
Although you might have a voice, take caution in how or where you use it.
You might just get punched in the throat.
This is Benoni after all.
E = Shoulders
Us Benonians have some broad shoulders.
We always have to carry the burden of people’s lame Benoni jokes and perceptions.
It’s both a burden and a blessing.
A burden because it can get old and a blessing because “any publicity is good publicity”.
In a way those Benoni jokes are just good marketing for our little town.
Maybe we’ll be in another Jack Parow song some day. :)
F = Heart
One thing about us Benonians is that we have serious heart.
Just go onto one of the community networking groups on Facebook, like Benoni Community Network or Benoni Community Group, and see for yourself.
When there is someone in need, nine times out of ten there is a group of people going out of their way to lend a helping hand.
G = Liver
This body part probably takes the most punishment out of any other in Benoni.
Our livers are made of pure cement, boet.
Keen on a dop?
H = Beer boep
That’s the only problem with our livers being so tough in B-Town.
Our bellies grow like water hyacinth in a Benoni lake due to our love affair with the gold stuff.
I have seen some mightily impressive boeps out there (including my own).
Perhaps we should have a beer boep competition in the City Times and see who possesses the largest built-in jumping castle.
I = Crown jewels
You have to have some serious pistachios to live in Benoni.
You never know what you might have to face on a day-to-day basis.
J = Feet
In Benoni we don’t have fast food, if you aren’t fast you are food.
Make sure you always have your takkies laced so you can get out of a hectic situation when it presents itself.
So, there we go.
My giant Benonian generalisation is complete.
Until next month.
Toodles.
LG
* Please note that this is an opinion piece and that the views expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of the Benoni City Times or Caxton Newspapers.
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