Toughlove SA Benoni is always providing tips on how to handle situations, but chairperson Chantal Grotto thought it a good idea to explain what tough love means as it is so easily misunderstood.
With the help of Jagged Little Edges Lorrelie Rossan, Chantal explained the meaning of tough love: “Love is not an act of hatred or cruelty. It’s just the opposite. Tough love is an act of love. It invites the addicted person back into reality,” she explained.
“Tough love is named aptly. It’s tough! Not because it’s cold or mean – tough love is difficult because saying no and setting boundaries is hard to do.”
Grotto shared information about addicts.
“Going through the intimate experience with a loved one struggling with addiction is traumatic. The devastating effects this illness has on families can create long-term physical, emotional, psychological and relational scars.
Everyone in the home is affected,” she said.
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“Siblings who aren’t addicted may feel neglected. Parents don’t consciously stop thinking about their other children. It happens over time. As the addicted person becomes sicker and the home becomes more chaotic, families settle into crisis response.
“To keep the peace, they adjust their needs around the addicted person and may accommodate abuse and other unhealthy behaviour. As the old saying goes, a happy addict is an enabled one.”
She added that having no boundaries allows people to become puppets to the disease.
“Healthy boundaries teach people how to treat you. They tell people what is okay for you and what is not,” Grotto explained.
“Boundaries take responsibility for your actions and emotions, while not taking responsibility for the actions or emotions of others.”
If you need help with your addicted loved one, email toughlovebenoni@gmail.com or call Marlene on 083 243 9494 or Grotto on 082 372 3039.
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