“I had enough!”
This was the statement made by a survivor of domestic violence who walked away from a seven-year relationship after being abused both physically and emotionally.
The Cloverdene resident, who chose to remain anonymous, did not only experience abuse in her relationship, she found it at a very young age from relatives.
“My parents met during the apartheid era so when the police found them, my father was deported to Portugal and my mother went to jail,” *Mary explained.
“My father did not know my mother was pregnant, so I have never met him.
“I ended up living with my grandfather and a relative raped me at the age of 14.”
The former Daveyton resident was also abused by her mother.
“One day I needed help with covering my school books and my mother, who is an alcoholic, hit me,” she said.
“I ended up staying with one of my teachers for a few weeks.”
Leaving school and being unemployed, the now 43-year-old found what she thought was love in her former partner, *Mike.
“We lived in Springs and he took care of me and my son from a previous relationship,” she said.
“My son’s father was sentenced to 15 years’ imprisonment, leaving me alone with a baby and no job.”
For the first year of the relationship, Mike was a good man to me but by year two, he was hitting me. He used to hit me in front of my son. I could not leave because I had nowhere else to go with my son, and I was pregnant.
Mary had her second son, but the abuse got worse. Both her children saw her being beaten on numerous occasions.
“My eldest son used to run away from home when it happened. He made friends with the wrong people and then got involved in using drugs,” she said.
“I eventually applied for an RDP house in Cloverdene and I secured a job as a security guard.
“This was when Mike stopped working and told me I had to look after him because he took care of my son and me when I was unemployed.
“I felt guilty because it was true, he did take care of us.”
One day, while on duty, the person who was supposed to relieve Mary from her duty did not, so instead of Mary leaving work at 6pm, she left at 8.30pm.
“I asked one of the people in the security company to drop me at home because it was too late to take a taxi,” she explained.
“When I got home, Mike was waiting for me and then started to beat me, accusing me of having an affair.
“I tried to explain that the person who was supposed to relieve me did not come to work, but he refused to listen.
“At the house, we did not have electricity so he took the paraffin from the stove and threw it on me, he could not find the lighter because it was dark, and so I tried to escape.
“He then hit me with a hammer.
“He hit me from 10pm to 4am.”
The knock to Mary’s head left her unconscious.
“When I woke up, he was sitting near me and said he did not know I was still alive. He was contemplating where to throw away my body.”
Mike then left the house, giving Mary enough time to run.
“It was enough. My children were not at home, I screamed for help but no neighbour came to help me. It was by the grace of God that
Mike did not find the lighter,” she said.
“So I left, I took a taxi to Daveyton to see my mother.”
Mary said her mother screamed when she saw her.
“I had two blue eyes, I was badly beaten.”
Eventually she got a protection order against her ex-boyfriend.
“It has been four years since I have seen him. I have no contact with his family either because his mother abused my second son when he stayed there,” she said.
Today, Mary is in a happy relationship with a man who does not emotionally or physically abuse her.
“I have a son with him, so I have three boys,” she explained.
“I had to leave the abusive relationship and if my ex did not try to burn me, I would have probably stayed, but enough was enough.”
Mary said from a young age, she had low self-esteem and only recently attended night school to complete her matric.
“To those who are being abused, if the person hit you once, they will do it again,” she advised.
“You may think you have to stay because there is nothing better out there for you, but there is.”
Mary teaches her children to focus on completing their studies and finding a career they are happy in.
“Education is key. I want my children to strive to study and learn. They can focus on having a good relationship after achieving their goals,” she said.
“If I could go back, I’d finish school and focus on a career.”
The mom of three also attends sessions with ToughLove Benoni and will continue to do so because she considers them her new friends.
*Pseudonym
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