Help your loved ones overcome addiction

Although ToughLove SA started as a support group for parents who lived with addicts, the support group now counsels all kinds of trauma.

ToughLove Benoni group facilitator and ToughLove SA board member Chantal Grotto returned to the support group’s roots by explaining how to cope with living with a drug addict.

“When you discover that your loved one is an addict, the first reaction is often questioning the validity of the addiction,” she said.

“The truth takes time to settle in as the pain that comes with this truth is often a difficult burden to bear.

“However, instead of avoiding the truth, what is a better approach would be to understand addiction and its potential effects on your household and your family relationships.”

Grotto said once you accept that addiction lives in your loved one, you need to learn how to overcome the challenges that can occur when living with a loved one with addiction, along with how to care for them — and yourself.

“Addiction is a choice. When one takes drugs it causes changes in the brain. In people with addiction, dopamine receptors activate and tell the brain that drugs are rewards. Over time, the brain changes and adapts as it becomes dependent on the substance being used,” she explained.

Addiction affects all members of the household in different ways. Some of these effects can include:

• Anxiety and stress

• Depression

• Guilt

• Anger and embarrassment

• Financial problems

• Inconsistencies in rules, schedules, and routines

• Physical and security danger (risk is higher if the person with the addiction is currently intoxicated or seeking drugs).

Tips for living with a loved one who has an addiction:

• Keep yourself and your family safe. This is especially important if you have family members who are more vulnerable, such as children, elderly relatives, and pets.

• Have a response plan if matters escalate. This could include having backup from friends, family, therapists, or, in extreme cases, the police.

• Restrict access to money. Your loved one may do whatever they can to get money to buy the substance they’re addicted to.

• Set boundaries for your household. Lay out specific rules and expectations.

• Encourage treatment.

• Prioritise self-care. This is a difficult time for you and your family. The stress can make it easy to neglect your own health needs.

• Join a support group.

Tips for living with a person in recovery from addiction:

Once your loved one has left rehab or stopped doing drugs for a significant period of time, they’re considered a person in recovery. This means they’re still vulnerable to relapses, so it’s important to continue offering support and building trust so your loved one can come to you if they feel the urge to use substances again

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• It can take time to trust a loved one again. You may need to work with a counsellor, therapist or support group to help you both re-establish the much-needed trust your relationship needs to thrive.

• Don’t be afraid to directly ask your loved one how they’re doing in the recovery phase.

• Do random drug tests to identify where your addict is at regarding their own recovery, this keeps them accountable and focused on being healthy.

• Discuss the way forward – how will they achieve these plans and how healthy are these plans in achieving a better life for the addict?

• Check in with your loved one regularly.

If you are struggling with someone with addiction and need help or simply just want to be a part of a loving environment, contact Grotto on 082 372 3039 or Matilde dos Santos 082 052 2269 or email toughlovebenoni@gmail.com

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