Real Talk with Duenna

I become jealous looking at how men seem to embrace their partners’ children from previous relationships naturally and how it seems impossible for women to do the same.

Dear wives and all the step mommies out there, it is impossible to completely please your better half if you prevent his offspring’s access to him.

I have come across children who resent their fathers because they “love the current wife’s children than them”. Well, there is no such thing, according to me at least.

The only reason a man’s love would appear to be leaning more towards one side is if the woman in his life makes him.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not condone cheating tendencies and I am not, in any way, saying men should sleep around and expect their wives to accept the babies they make outside their marriage. What I am saying though, is that the children your husband made with the woman before you, deserve time and love from their dad.

The mathematics of life is interesting, the more love you show to the children that you didn’t give birth to, the more blessed your own children become.

In my circle of friends, I have phenomenal women who embrace their husband’s children and treat them with the love like their own. What I learnt over time, from these women, is that it is not easy, but it is possible and has to be done.

Women have more power over their men, more than they realise.

Here’s the thing, your husband cares a lot about what you think. He will do his best not to upset you and if he feels that you are not welcoming to his children, like most women are, he is likely to not do right by them.

With that said, can the so-called baby mamas out there please quit making life difficult for the women in their ex’s lives.

As I wish everybody a safe and happy Christmas, I appeal to step mothers to remember the golden rule as stated on Matthew 7:12 (KJV); “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets”.

The way I see it, when you reach out to your man’s children, you are indirectly investing into your own children’s future well-being.

The same goes for aboMakoti, the only reason you have a husband is because of his parents. If you have not been able to, buy your in-laws a small gift this festive season. Let them know you appreciate them, if you don’t, maybe it’s time you started.

Yes, they may not look like much, but your husband will appreciate you even more when you embrace his foundation (his parents) and show them love.

And to the lovely husbands and boyfriends out there, please spend your money on your loved ones, not abomakhwapheni.

Take her on a weekend getaway or buy her a new pair of shoes. And no, Christmas time is not only about new clothes for your children, but also about spending quality time with them, give them that. Just let your loved ones know how much they mean to you.

With that said, my people, I trust that you have accomplished all your resolutions for 2014, for now though, D is signing out.

See you in 2015.