Death Café serves as a space for people to confront their fears

“Death is the only thing that unites us. It is the only thing that we all have in common.”

These were the words of Nadine Rosin, a hospice counsellor, grief educator, consultant and soul-centred life mentor.

She has a degree in psychology and communications.

The Senderwood resident is the host of the Death Café initiative that she has been running for the past six months at various venues.

This includes the one recently held in Bedfordview.

Death Café serves as a platform for open dialogue about death, grief and loss. It is open and inclusive to everyone regardless of their current situation.

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She explained that the Death Café originated in 2004 by a Swiss anthropologist and it got more popularised around 2010 and 2011.

Although it has spread across the world, Rosin feels SA is still behind in this offering.

“I never had the proper support when I went through my journey and that is why I feel so driven to help people who are suffering and don’t know where to turn.

“We all going towards the same finish line. We may think we are going for the next car or the next house but we are all going towards the finish line which is death,” she said.

She emphasised that death isn’t a destination but an integral part of the human journey.

“It is important to have open conversations about it before it happens. When we don’t talk about it then there’s no healing.”

She said having the conversation prepares the mind even if we are not ready.

“The heart is never ready, the heart takes longer but healing starts in our minds.”

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With her sessions, many people are still grappling with the fear of death prompting many questions about the afterlife.

“People don’t want to suffer, and they don’t want to be in pain when their final day comes. The most important thing about grief is to express it and not repress it.

“We have people who are criers, those who do not show emotions, and some people will process it through exercise.

“There are many different ways to grieve but the healthiest way is to express it, acknowledge it and learn to live with it.

“The first two years are considered the early grieving stages. You can’t chase who you were before as you will never be the same. We must let ourselves sink into the pain to heal,” she stated.

Loss of a child

Rosin also addressed the different personalities of grief within relationships, particularly in the aftermath of losing a child.

She said grief after losing a child or miscarriage can often lead to a breakup or divorce.

“With couples, there has to be a lot of compassion and transparency, especially with child loss. In most cases, the focus shifts to the mother and the father feels disenfranchised and sidelined.

“We just have to be human to human in grief – that’s the bottom line.”

More advice for couples includes open conversations, extra support and resources in other words counselling, support groups and information.

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“Information is key because it helps us to unite. I find that it brings comfort to people when you find out that you are not the only one going through something. This is why groups are important. We get to share our experiences,” she said.

She also suggested finding a good therapist or counsellor and that introspection is a huge part of the healing journey.

She advised journalising, meditating and yoga as part of the tools for healing.

“The nervous system is dysregulated completely when we experience these traumatic events so all of these things help regulate our whole body. This is why we can’t sleep, lose our appetite or overeat.”

Children too are not excluded from grief. Early childhood loss and trauma impact the child for the rest of their life.

“It is important for the child to get the right support whether it is play therapy combined with normal therapy or counselling,” said Rosin.

Signs or symptoms to look for in children who are grieving are that they are more withdrawn, aggressively acting out or they stop communicating.

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“They need to know that they are safe and that they did not cause the death or the situation. Teach children from a young age that nothing is permanent.”

She encouraged discussion and asking difficult questions like, “In 100 years what do you think I should do when you are no longer here?”, or “Would you want your body donated?”

“Schedule a family meeting and go for tea somewhere – don’t have the conversation in a tense environment.

Don’t have it at the dinner table because then you are going to associate that with the dinner table if something does happen.”

Rosin explained the Death Café teaches one how to live because you realise that tomorrow is not guaranteed for anybody.

The sessions accommodate people of different ages.

For enquiries contact Nadine on 083 260 1537 or email nadine19rosin@gmail.com