Know how to deal with an addict
“The addict has to cope with so much of their guilt and resentment, they shouldn’t have to deal with yours too.”
For most, the new year brings thoughts of a fresh start and new beginnings but for some, this is not the case.
According to ToughLove SA, a support group and NPO created for families with addicts, the new year is a time when addiction numbers rise.
The NPO was started by parents who were ambassadors of ensuring addiction did not need to destroy the entire family as opposed to only destroying those who participated in addiction.
ToughLove SA board member Chantal Grotto said it launched operations in 1985, with its main focus helping the loved ones of the addict.
Support groups
The 30 support groups countrywide which assist the community consist of men and women largely between the ages of 25 to 65 years old.
Besides assisting with addiction, the NPO extended its portfolio to assist with abuse, mental illness and bullying. ToughLove describes addiction as a chronic dysfunction of the brain system that involves reward, motivation and memory.
It’s about the way your body craves a substance or behaviour, especially if it causes a compulsive or obsessive pursuit of “reward” and lack of concern over consequences.
One can be addicted to drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sex, pornography and anything that may be causing obsessive-compulsive behaviour.
“If your loved one is abusing drugs or alcohol, you’ve probably hit a wall,” said Grotto. “Maybe you’ve tried everything to get them to stop.
“Maybe you’re not sure where to start.” She said wherever you are in your exhausting relationship with an addict, you have a way out.
ToughLove advised community members to follow these nine steps when dealing with an addict.
• Stand up for yourself and stand your ground when you say no.
• Uncover their past and any criminal behaviour, it could reveal your future.
• Switch your focus and put yourself first.
• Let them fail and learn from their own mistakes
• Talk about your grievances and what is bothering you.
• Then learn more about the problem, do your research.
• Set your boundaries.
• Use yes or no as a complete sentence and stick by the decision, whatever it is.
• Target the addiction, not the addict.
“Addiction is a mental, emotional and physical disease. “Seeing it as an illness can help you feel more compassion for your loved one. “Besides, the addict has to cope with so much of their guilt and resentment, they shouldn’t have to deal with yours too,” said Grotto.
Loving an addict might be one of the hardest things you ever do. But you can decide how you manage it. Last but not least, join a support group where you can tap into the wisdom and experience of those who have been through this before.
To seek assistance regarding your loved one’s addiction send an email to info@toughlove.org.za. There are three support groups in the Ekurhuleni area: Edenvale, Benoni and Alberton.
Phone Francus or Mandy, who heads up the group for Edenvale, on 071 582 0770 or 072 380 8144.
Alternatively, call 0861 868 445 or 082 074 5835.
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