Edenvale mother, Debra McCauley*, has opened up about the struggles of raising two drug-addicted daughters.
Her nightmare started in 2008 when both daughters tested positive for drugs at two separate schools on the same day. At the time, Debra’s youngest was only 11.
“I was angry when I received the first call. I didn’t want to believe it. Then I received the second call.
“My first instinct was to sit them both down and have a good talk to them. They told me it was experimental and that it wouldn’t happen again. I should never have believed them.
“I cannot pinpoint exactly when their addiction started and I’ll never really get a straight answer from my children either.”
When her daughters tested positive for the first time, Debra was a newly divorced mom.
“I was back at work for the first time in years and was just trying to do the best I could for my girls.”
Before then, Debra said her family was doing well financially, and her daughters didn’t lack anything.
“Both parents were involved in their lives and they each attended a cushy private school. I was a stay-at-home mom and would do sport runs and volunteer at the school tuck shop.
“We went on three family holidays a year and also did regular family day trips over the weekends. My daughters were by no means unloved and they weren’t neglected.”
Debra has found that people are quick to blame parents for their children’s addiction problems.
“My daughters had the dream childhood. We were good parents and we did our best. My daughters were well educated regarding the dangers of drug use yet both made the wrong decisions,” she said.
Debra said there were signs of addiction in the beginning, but could be explained away by the hormonal changes of hitting puberty.
“You never think its drugs. Then you never think it will go from weed to crystal meth. Then it’s too late.
“You are the company you keep. Parents need to take a look at who their children are hanging around with because the reality is that children are constantly being influenced,” she said.
After testing positive, both daughters entered mandatory outpatient programmes before they were allowed back at school.
This was, however, not the end of the road for Debra.
Her daughters were expelled from their private schools after testing positive again. They were then expelled from their government schools for the same reason.
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“I placed both my daughters in the same study school in Bedfordview. Both tested positive again, this time for harder drugs and were kicked out.”
Without any more options, Debra gave her eldest an ultimatum; enter rehab or leave the house.
“My eldest hasn’t stayed at home since. Although we do talk, she moves between sleeping on friends’ couches and bouncing between relationships.
“She knows I won’t help her anymore. She is super intelligent, but this is the path she’s chosen for herself.”
Debra said her eldest daughter was the one who introduced her sibling to drugs.
Her youngest is recently clean and according to Debra is doing well.
“Every day is a battle for her. When she wakes up and is having a bad day her first instinct is to try and numb the emotions. She never learned to really emotionally cope with life in her teens because of the drugs. Now, she doesn’t know how to deal with an average bad day,” Debra said.
“Addicts are very clever and will do anything to protect their drug use. It’s the most important thing to them and they will lie convincingly to make sure their habit is protected.
“My youngest was quietly doing crystal meth in her room for four years, without any of us knowing what was going on.
“On her 21st birthday we spent the night in ICU after she overdosed on crystal meth. We never had the opportunity to experience special occasions such as matric farewells, 18th and 21st birthday parties.
“Even after she nearly died, she carried on and went back to using. I’m still scared that I’m going to find her dead at home. I get angry when I think about it. There was no need for them to go down this road.”
Debra said that as a parent of addiction the road to travel is not easy.
“It makes you a different person. I stopped talking to people we used to know from school days. While their children attended school trips and dances, we were fighting to keep drugs out of our house. There is something embarrassing about your children struggling with drugs and you just really never get over it.”
Debra said it was concerning the lack of support available for addicted teens.
“There are a handful of rehabs for juveniles, but they are all overwhelmed. They are trying their best, but they’re not coping.”
Debra advised parents dealing with addicted teens to find a support group in the area.
She added that parent should always trust their gut.
“If something doesn’t feel right about what your child is doing, then it probably isn’t right”.
*Name changed to protect the identity of the family
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