Love for daughter overpowers desire for drugs

A father’s love for his daughter overpowered the desire to use drugs.

The day his daughter was born was the day Sean* promised his child he would give her all that she wanted within his ability, and that included giving up drugs.

“Having a child changes your priorities in life. She’ll never understand it but my daughter changed me as a person,” said Sean.

The birth of his daughter changed Sean, who lives in Edenvale, and who is a director and partner in a local business.

He used drugs for 14 years and has been clean for six years.

He said that life does still have its challenges, but they are normal challenges that he can deal with one step at a time.

Speaking about his past is something that Sean does not do often.

“It is a closed chapter in my life,” said Sean.

People close to Sean know that he struggled with addiction, but they know he is in better place.

Sean’s drug addiction started when he was 13 years old. He was already smoking cigarettes and started experimenting with dagga after being offered some by a friend.

Growing up, his behaviour worsened and his drug usage increased.

Sean was sent to numerous rehabilitation centres during his life in order to stop his addiction, including the Noupoort Christian Care Centre.

He said that he ran away from a number of them.

“I just wasn’t sincere, I was a juvenile, self-absorbed, I was not ready to quit,” said Sean.

He said he would join the older addicts and listen to their stories of drug use.

“All their stories and experiences were drawing me in more and more.”

In his 14 years of being an addict, Sean used dagga, ecstasy, LSD, cocaine and crack.

Sean said that he loved the feeling of the drugs and the escape it allowed.

“I figured out that you are your own worst enemy – 95 percent of your problems come from you. It’s not just circumstantial and the people around you,” said Sean.

In his recovery, Sean has learnt to be open about his emotions and feelings. He said it is important for addicts to vent their feelings and speak out.

“You can’t bottle everything up. It’s not good for you mentally, and psychologically you will snap, and an addict or recovered addict can’t afford to snap.”

Unknown to Sean, his path to recovery would begin with feelings for another person

Sean said he met his wife when he was 27.

“I was immediately attracted, it was like fatal attraction. I started dressing nicer and just presented myself better.”

After finding out that that the girl he had fallen in love with was pregnant, Sean knew he would have to start providing for her.

“The turning point for me was when my daughter was born. I promised her while she was in the incubator, I held her foot at Arwyp Hospital and said to her, ‘I want to give you the brightest future that I can give you,” said Sean.

In 2009 Sean began working for his father.

“I started from the bottom and worked my way up,” he said.

In a few years he had worked his way up to a regional salesperson position.

“I think that was my father’s final test for me, to see if I would be able to cope with stress.”

“When you leave drugs, you need to get to know yourself,” said Sean.

Addicts need to have a better understanding of themselves and the reasoning behind their addiction in order to recover.

He said, “Communication is important for recovery, you need to talk to people and let them know when you are stressed.”

Sean said that after five years of being clean he went to Mighty Wings Life Centre, an outpatient programme centre. He wanted to learn and as a result he studied further at tertiary facilities.

“I wanted to better myself and push the boundaries,” said Sean

“My life is stable now; I deal with my problems one step at a time. I am blessed, not in the sense that I have a lot of money, I like to give back to the community and do good deeds by helping people,” said Sean.

Sean said that two types of recovery are available to addicts who are looking to recover: strong and smart recovery. He gave alcoholism as an example.

“Strong recovery would be when you are invited to a bar and you go but you only drink a cool drink, saying no to temptation when faced with it. Smart recovery would be not going to the bar but going to a restaurant instead and asking your friends not to drink alcohol in front of you in order to avoid the situation entirely,” said Sean.

Sean gave the following tips to addicts who want to recover:

•  Have a belief in a higher being. Because of his belief in God, he has developed a good relationship with two pastors who are always there for him.
•  Communication is important. You need to say when you’re struggling.
•  You have to learn about yourself, learn your triggers, your red flags and what tempts you the most.
•  Have dreams and goals but know you have to be realistic, and know your own limitations.
•  Take one day at a time. Don’t overwhelm yourself and put pressure on yourself.

“The first few weeks and months are important, that’s why they have outpatient programmes. You need direct supervision, and you need a safety net around you,” said Sean.

A total change is important for recovered addicts.

“It is a new chapter in your life,” said Sean.

He said that you must get rid of your old friends and have strong family support.

“Being happy and positive is a choice. You must wake up happy and be thankful for what you have, no matter you circumstances. Waking up positive is the most important part of the day, It defines how your day will be,” said Sean.

* Names changed to protect identity and family.