Signs that your partner is abusing your child

Does your child avoid being left alone with your partner or do they try to stay away from home as much as possible? Does your little one also show unexplained signs of anger and resentment towards you and your partner?  Do you sense some kind of coded language and become uneasy when your partner speaks to your child? Does your partner also make private jokes with your child that you don’t like or understand and hints at unspoken threats. Unfortunately, if your child shows all these signs of uneasiness around your partner, it could mean he is abusing your child. Many children may struggle to voice an accusation and it is your responsibility as a parent to be supportive throughout this difficult journey.

Dealing with the betrayal

According to Shaheda Omar, of the Teddy Bear Clinic SA, with the lockdown came a spike in the number of cases reported for child abuse. “Weeks into lockdown and we were receiving referrals of sexual abuse, where children were being preyed on by opportunistic predators within their own neighbourhoods and homes,” she says. When you find out that you partner is potentially doing such a horrible act, whether physical or emotional, on your child, you will feel betrayed. Few people are willing to deal with the fallout if there is abuse in the home.

Your child is priority

If your child accuses your partner you have to give the child the benefit of the doubt and protect him or her until help can be found to work through the issues. Your first obligation is to support your child. Even if the child is lying, confused, or has misunderstood something, a child must know that a direct call for help will be met with support, not rejection, denial, argument or abandonment. If your partner is innocent, it need not be damaging to your relationship but he needs to know that that your first obligation is towards yourself and your child, hence you acted in both your interest first.  

Have your child evaluated by a trained therapist

When you find out that your child is potentially being abused, do not act irrational or panic. Seek the services of a trained child therapist to evaluate your child. An attempt to discover whether your child is abused, if handled badly, can frighten your child no matter what is really happening. In the meantime, make sure your child is never completely alone with your partner. When your therapist has made a positive evaluation, then you will have to first talk to your child and then to your partner. Every step of that process must be taken with a commitment to being fair to both sides. What is going to come is going to be hell for all of you and will change the dynamics of the relationship. Confronting the reality that the person you trusted with your life has done such a hideous act is the worst for you and your child. Do not opt to fix this as a family issue and your home ends up becoming a breeding ground for secrets and lies. You need to report the matter to the police and let the law handle the matter. Do not betray your child for your own sake or for the sake of your partner.