Conflicts in youthful Alex lovers who co-habit (in ‘masihlalisane’ or ‘Vat-en-sit’ relationships) are mounting and concerning for the Victim Empowerment Unit. The unit is a partnership of Kidz Clinic under non-profit organisation Women and Men Against Child Abuse and the Alex Police Station. It is inundated with requests for counselling and mediation from feuding partners, especially when one partner has nowhere else to go. This after they would have burnt bridges with parents and family by ignoring their wise advice against cohabitation.
Deceived by infectious love and without protection, some of the couples are oblivious of the challenges ahead and soon end up at the clinic’s door for help.
Elizabeth Mokwena of the clinic said they attended to at least three such cases weekly which distracts them from helping children who are their core target. She said these pseudo-marriages fooled the lovers into a false sense of security. This made them buy assets and construct shacks through joint contributions without contractual arrangements protecting their individual inputs.
“When fights start, the women often lose out and are booted from the home. It’s worse when they are forced out with babies coupled with wounded pride and egos in an unfriendly environment where, instead of helping out, friends and the community mock them,” said Mokwena. They then resort to the clinic as the only hope for emotional help.
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Mokwena added that the victims would be angry for the time wasted but won’t have the courage to apologise to parents and relatives. “I urge those contemplating moving in with boyfriends to refrain until they are formally married. They should visit the boyfriends but return home until both commit to each other formally.” Also, she worries that besides the financial losses, some of the separations ended violently, with the feuding parties tormenting and taking it out on each other’s new partners or destroying the shacks.
“Other fights end up in court cases for murder or arson and traumatised children who emulated the violence as a way of life but who are not brought for counselling.” She said the emotional damage on them is severe and turns boys into monsters, makes girls unstable, they cannot concentrate and fail in school.
Details: Victim Empowerment Unit 011 321 7614
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Note:
a. Vat en sit(Afrikaans) or masihlalisane (Zulu) are commonly used in townships to describe cohabitation.
