Learn how to love

Across the world, the month of February has become synonymous with the celebration of romantic relationships and romantic love itself, with Valentine’s Day being right at the centre. All too often, however, for various reasons, lasting relationships seem to evade many of us.

What type of behaviours help a relationship last? The complex cluster of emotions and behaviours that form romantic love motivate people into relationships with their desired mate, stressed clinical psychologist Sine Zungu.

“However, once the novelty of romantic love has lost its allure, a series of behaviours, termed pro-relationship maintenance strategies by psychologists, help to maintain healthy romantic relationships. The five key maintenance strategies include positivity, assurances, openness, sharing tasks and social media networks.

“A study by Statfford and Canary (1991) indicates that these strategies affect the extent to which partners commit to each other and report mutual liking and satisfaction within the relationship.”

Read: Valentine Menu: All things red

Unhealthy relationship:

A common example of an unhealthy relationship, says Zungu, is a codependent relationship characterised by one partner enabling the other’s destructive behaviour (for example, substance addiction or irresponsibility), or chronic illness.

“Both parties become trapped in a cycle where one partner engages in harmful behaviour that places them in an endangered or helpless position, while the other enables its continuance by denying his/her own needs and compensating for the dysfunctional behaviour. Ultimately, the relationship becomes one-sided and emotionally abusive,” Zungu points out.

Read: Valentine’s Day love stories: From the Sinatra to Maroon 5

How common psychological disorders can affect relationships:

“Partners of people with chronic mental illnesses like major depressive disorder or generalised anxiety disorder, for example, are sometimes at a greater risk than the control population of finding themselves in a co-dependent relationship.

“If the partner with the psychological condition is unable or unwilling to take responsibility for their own healing and recovery, this can cause a strain on the relationship, resulting in the other partner having to subdue his/her own needs in order to take care of the afflicted spouse.”

Read: Epic Fail: When Valentine’s Day goes awry

The following tips can assist you to build a healthy, happy, satisfying relationship:

• Love yourself – love yourself enough to know that you are worthy of the relationship you desire, not just any relationship that comes your way.
• Know yourself – know where your insecurities lie, know what your own dynamics are. A person in control of himself will not want to control or be controlled by others.
• Be honest with yourself and the other person, especially about who you are and what you want.
• Carefully evaluate the person you seek to be in a relationship with. Do you have compatible values?
• Be willing to learn from the person with whom you’re in a relationship. Healthy relationships are characterised by growth.
• Find someone with whom you can grow, who will encourage your happiness and who will support you in your pursuit of your own dreams! Healthy, stable relationships can be useful in adding to one’s sense of happiness and self-fulfillment.