I was one of people who had to pick their jaws up from the floor after the ConCourt outlawed spanking in September.
Not because I advocate spanking, but because I had accepted it as part of our lives.
When I was a child, we were spanked.
Ok, sometimes we were more-than-spanked.
Most of the adults in my family used the palms of their hands, soft flip-flop shoes or tree branch, to hit us.
But my grandfather, may his soul rest in peace, made himself a whip.
To me, it looked like rubber, cut from a tyre.
It was attached to a wooden handle of some sort.
And the worst part was that our mkhulu would not just whip one naughty person.
If something went wrong, he would get all of us.
Well, in most cases we were all guilty, anyway.
The reason I am happy that spanking has been outlawed is because it can so easily go wrong.
For many parents and guardians, spanking has become the main method of discipline and/or punishment.
The judgment offers us an opportunity to reflect, and think of news ideas.
Does spanking achieve the results that we want, in our children?
I don’t know.
When I think back to every time I have been thrashed, I seem to remember the pain quicker than I remember the lesson that I was being taught.
Yes, the people who hit us the hardest became the adults we feared the most.
We did what they told us, when they were watching.
Not because we understood the principles they were trying to instil in us, but because we were scared of what happens when we don’t listen to them.
To me, spanking was a way that adults could show us ‘who is boss’ by hurting us.
I could not wait to get older so that no one could hit me anymore.
And I get it, we are tired by the time we get home.
We just want everyone to play their part in the peace of the home.
But children are different creatures.
Children learn by repetition.
Yup! You may have to say the same thing over and over again.
It will be another item to add in your frustration box if you choose not to be patient!
So as an adult, I have tried very hard not to spank little children.
Sometimes I failed.
I just went back to the default setting in my frustration.
Not so long ago, I was frustrated with my little brother who I believed had no regard of the importance of school.
He just seemed not to care.
Eventually, I decided I would punish him by belting him on the palms of his hands.
I did a good job explaining what I expected of him, and what would happen if he did not do his work.
But I did not have to wait very long to use the belt.
One day, when I was ‘punishing’ him, he did not cry.
I wondered if I was not hitting him hard enough.
“Should I be using a harder tool?”
I went my way, he went his after that.
So after the ruling by the ConCourt I couldn’t help but wonder if my new ‘method’ was working.
I called my little to have a chat.
In the conversation I realised I never actually told him why I want him to do his school work, all the time.
I never express it in a way he understands what the importance of being ‘educated’ is.
All he saw was my frustration.
I have since stopped with the belting.
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