Toe Jam

I do, in fact, like a number of things about him. He’s nice and soft. I like to stick my face into his fur and burrow about in it. It’s almost like having a real live teddy bear all of my own. Mostly he lets me do this – except if I slobber a bit much on him – then he smacks me on the nose and stalks off.

I also like to sniff around in his food bowl in case he missed a morsel. This does not happen often. Also, the reverse does not apply. Ralph may not sniff anywhere near my food bakkie. In fact, he may not come within several paws of my dinner. He tried it once and I nearly took his face off. Mom had words with me – in capital letters nogal.

Ummmm…. Yes…. I think that’s about all I like.

There are, however, many things that I don’t like. For instance, he climbs on Alpha’s chest and smooches and purrs in his face. I consider this very cheeky and way out of line for a cat that is not technically ours.

He jumps on mom’s desk, smooches her face too and walks all over her laptop thingy. Seeing as I am not able to do this, I feel that he should stay away from mom’s desk too.

Perhaps the most annoying habits he possesses are his nocturnal ones.

Firstly, he stole my cushion that mom positioned nicely by the heater. Just moved his skanky ass in and took over. Mom put another cushion down for me, but that is not the point.

Secondly, he stays down by the heater long after we have all gone to bed. When the heat wears off he then pads upstairs and makes a grand entrance. Jumps up onto the bed and kneads mom’s head – or tries to anyway. She usually pushes him down to the side. He then proceeds to do his ablutions. Loudly. He chomps, chews and licks his furry bod. Every little foofie nookie and cranny of it.

Worst of all he cleans between his toes. This involves using his teeth to yank at anything that may be stuck in there and… eeeeuuuwwww… spitting it out either on me or in my baskie.

Seriously gross I tell you.