But not anymore.
Society has expectations of each one of us, expressed in the smaller groups we live in.
But there is no greater enforcer of those expectations, than our parents.
Parents get to choose where their children live and go to school.
They have the authority to determine what kind of extramural activities we participate in and the TV programmes we watch.
And sometimes, by the time we become adults our parents have no idea how to let go.
They keep trying to make the major decisions about our lives.
Problem is, at this point, we should be equipped enough to start being independent in the world.
We should be trying to create our own worlds.
The trap is really living a life you don’t really want for yourself, just to please others.
Most of us can live with disappointing our friends or colleagues, we can get over it.
But disappointing our parents is probably one of our biggest fears.
So sometimes we go along with our parents’ expectations reluctantly.
Reluctant as we realise that the direction they are pointing us into is not going to our desired destination.
Reluctant because we realise that sometimes our parents just mirror the fears and frustrations of the rest of society.
“You should study this because it’s in great demand, so you will get a good job.”
When what they really mean is “I am scared that you will not find a job and you will starve to death.”
Our parents’ view of the world has been polluted by the experiences of friends, all your family, the news and everything else.
They don’t remember what is feels like to be fearless.
Let alone passionate.
The trap doesn’t grip all at one go, but it’s gradual.
The many small decision that create a path to the rest of our lives.
“You should live in the province where all your family is. It’s safer.”
“You want to go overseas, who do you know there?”
“Stick to what you know.”
Living your dreams may mean disappointing your parents.
Take it in, prepare for it, and brace yourself.
If you can’t stomach that, then welcome to the trap.
Find a comfortable spot and enjoy.
Other blogs by Xoliswa Kali:
OPINION: Why we forgive black men so easily
OPINION: Fine line of morality
Follow us on our social media platforms:
