My girlfriend keeps cheating on me
Mr X writes: I am a 32-year-old man. I have been dating my current woman for 11 years.
We met in high school. In 2011 she cheated on me and I caught her.
We talked about it and reconciled.
In 2013, after we bought a house and cars, she became pregnant. She informed me, however, that the baby is not mine.
I left her even though I loved her. A year later she called me at midnight, she had been beaten up by the father of her child.
She left him and we continued our relationship.
We spoke in detail about the baby daddy drama. She wants us to get married, however, on August 25 she lied to me.
She told me she was working late. Her brother was arrested the same day and I had to go bail him out.
On our way home I drove past her place and noticed that her car was there and the baby daddy’s car was also there.
I don’t know what to do, should I just turn my back and leave this woman or does she need help?
I am scared that things might end bad because I love her too much and nearly regretted my actions.
After seeing her and the baby daddy, I found myself with a gun in my hand.
Dear Mr X
Most people enter into relationships filled with hope and optimism, just wanting to love somebody and to be loved right back.
The experience of a troubled or failing relationship is, therefore, very painful, as it often means having to accept and let go of the dream and opportunity for “everlasting happiness together”.
Your letter seems to indicate that you are conflicted and confused about your relationship.
Your partner has cheated on you, fallen pregnant by somebody else and lied to you. But, despite all of this, you still love her deeply and want to marry her.
If this is your situation, right now the feelings of anger, grief and disappointment could be overwhelming you.
Allowing yourself to experience and express these feelings is the first step to healing.
Contact LifeLine to speak to a trained counsellor and explore the number of options available to you.
Could our age difference be the problem?
Miss Z writes: I’m from Tsakane, I’m 21 years of age and I’m in love with this man.
I met him on Twitter. After he started following me, we connected and started chatting.
We then met and went out on a date.To cut the story short, he is the father of twins and is a few years older than me but that is not the problem.
The problem is communication and him not making enough time for us.
I know his job is very demanding and requires a lot from him, but I kept nagging him and being difficult.
On August 13 it was my birthday and he made it the best birthday ever.
We spoke and he assured me that while he’s not prefect, he will try his best.
He even told me that I shouldn’t play with his heart or feelings, he said he loves me and all.
I had to ruin things on the Sunday after my birthday and said some things,so he got worked up and told me I will never understand his life and his commitments, so he said I should find someone my own age who will have time for me and who is perfect in my eyes.
He finally broke up with me and told me to stop calling him.
I’m confused, is it me, or work stress or the age difference that is causing all this?
Will he change his mind and come back to me?
Dear Miss Z
The number one need in all people is the need for acceptance. The number one fear is that of rejection.
In your letter, you mention that you love your partner and have accepted his commitments to his children and job.
However, on the Sunday after your birthday, you got upset over an event in your relationship, you got angry, you got frustrated – and as a result, you found yourself behaving in a way that made your partner feel unaccepted and “not good enough”.
And once you did that, he withdrew completely and ended the relationship.
You ask,“Will he change his mind and come back to me?”
The answer: probably only if you can both truthfully say that, “despite the differences in our circumstances and ages, despite all the things we sometimes wish the other was or wasn’t, the bottom line is that we accept each other for who we are”.
This will require some introspection into who you are and what you want in life. Contact a trained LifeLine counsellor to assist.
Members of the public, who are in need of help, can email their problems to tmuteme@caxton.co.za or inbox the African Reporter on Facebook.
LifeLine Ekurhuleni was initially established in 1970.
The organization was established out of a need for community members to access a 24-hour telephonic service that could assist them in addressing emotional and social stress as well as trauma and loss.
These services have since grown to include both telephonic and face to face interventions offered throughout Ekurhuleni with service points in Benoni, Tsakane, and Duduza.
The majority of services focus on assisting victims of domestic violence, rape, human trafficking and child abuse.
LifeLine Ekurhuleni is a leader in developing personnel skills and promoting emotional wellness for the healing and transformation of individuals and communities.
Members of the public who need telephonic or face to face counselling should contact the counselling line on 011 422 4242.
Contact the LifeLine Ekurhuleni office on 011 421 0384 or email lifelineoffice@gmail.com
